Link to article: SCP-SPC-J.
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[[>]] [[module Rate]] [[/>]] **Item #:** SCP-SPC **Outrage Class:** Appleyawn[[footnote]] My darling niece Emma came up with this outrage class! It means "So horrible that there's no hope. At all. Ever." Which I think is a pretty good descriptor, considering. Isn't Emma just the smartest? So talented, unlike soME //PEO**PLE**//[[/footnote]] **Steps for Crisis Prevention:** I am literally shaking right now. I cannot stress this enough: moving forward, if anything nice[[footnote]] Heretofore to be understood as: AN! Y! THING! //NICE!!// [[/footnote]] -- happens to the soulless monsters who run SCP-SPC, I'm going to have a stroke. I mean it. I'll have a stroke, I'll die, that's it. Boom. Nervous breakdown, stroke, dead. So unless you actively want me to be //murdered// by how horrible it is, you need to do something about SCP-SPC //right now.// Yeah, well, you know what ELSE is manipulative, Linda?! //This apparent fixation you have with me getting a stroke!// Maybe I should just put it on blast, huh? Ahem: **LINDA MASTERSON GETS A BIZARRE SEXUAL RUSH FROM SEEING HER NEIGHBORS NOT GET ANY OXYGEN IN THEIR BRAIN BECAUSE OF HOW MISERABLE THEY ARE!** Oh, no, don't give me that look, it's //clearly// something you take pride in. ...anyway, if you see something SCP-SPC-related somewhere out on the street or something, just take it to the nearest Society for Concerned Parents outpost and... put it in a... //box??// I guess?? Whatever, I'm //done.// **Description:** SCP-SPC is //supposedly// this organization called the "Shark Punching Center" that I heard about the other day. Anyone with one-and-a-half brain cells to rub together can make out its true intentions. But, since a certain Mrs. Masterson is with us, I see that we'll have to make a more thorough guide for the easily-deceived: "Shark" = "Baby Shark"[[footnote]] //,,doot-doo doo-doo-doo,,// [[/footnote]] song = things children like = **Children.** "Punching" = that Japanimation or whatever cartoon my horrid little nephew Craighden likes = scantily-clad cartoon women = //S-E-X// = **Human Trafficking.** "Center" = highest central authority = government secrets = vaccines = Bill Gates = Tom Hanks = **Deep State.** If you're reading this, and you haven't dropped whatever you're doing to fight the Deep State "Shark Punchers", then you're a sick individual and --I'm already in the process of having you committed. And don't think I won't do it, either! //I'm one signature away from becoming the legal guardian of half of you complete bastards!//-- [[footnote]] **Edit:** As chairwoman of the Edgebrook HOA, I am legally obligated to clarify the previous statement with the following: //ohmy go sh I dont know what i was dooign?? what caem ov err mee when iiiif ashdghdsg WWROTE THIIS?ss??? I wafhas I'm sorr eeee plaeess dont4 hATE MEEAAGHHGHH SHUDDUPLINDA// [[/footnote]] I want nothing to do with you. Here, I have [http://www.scpwiki.com/system:page-tags/tag/shark-punching-center#pages a list] of the harm SCP-SPC has caused - in plain sight, no less - from my gardener who says he's on a first-name basis with Q. Bear in mind the coded language - if you went to my seminar, you'll know. I'm not going over it again just for you. Especially noteworthy is [[[SPC-169-J]]] - they ADMIT that they're attempting to seduce a 4,000-kilometer-long sea monster baby. Not even the laws of physics will stop these hopelessly sick-minded individuals from getting their perverted gratification. > **INTERVENTION LOG** > > **Potential Victim:** SPC-169-J > > **Date:** 9/2/2020 > > **Location:** NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS, South Atlantic Ocean > > **Provided tools:** 3 megaphones, 1 capsule of Holistic Sea Monster Protection Medicine (Special thanks to the Dah-do corporation![[footnote]] {{you are welcome but dado stil not think this is being good idea but good luck any way (and it is spell dado)}} [[/footnote]]), HMS Potluck-at-Sea (Special thanks to Edgebrook Yacht Club!) > > <Begin log> > . > **Maureen W.:** You sure this is the place? > > **Kevin M.:** Of course I am. > > **Hilda N.:** Because if the victim's not under us right now I'm gonna be so. Fucking. //Angry.// > > **Maureen W.:** Hilda! Language! > > **Hilda N.:** (single shriek that lasts 34 seconds, followed by incoherent sobbing) > > **Maureen W.:** Good point. I apologize. > > (Low, rumbling sound from under the waves) > > **Kevin M.:** Goddamn it, Linda, you wanna argue //now?!// Of all times? > > **Maureen W.:** Pretty sure we threw Linda overboard at-- > > **Kevin M.:** Sure, by all means, correct the //shit// out of me. > > (Low, rumbling sound, again) > > **Kevin M.:** LINDA I SWEAR TO-- > > **Hilda N.:** It's the victim! > > **Maureen W.:** Okay, all right, this is happening, uh... //places,// people! > > (Maureen continues through a megaphone) > > **Maureen W.:** Hey, SPC-169-J? Can you hear me, Kayleigh? > > **Hilda N.:** That's not her name. > > **Maureen W.:** Kayleigh, I'm //so sorry// that people are lying about your name. > > **Kevin M.:** Focus, Reen. > > **Hilda N:** It's Skye. We agreed to call her Skye. > > **Maureen W.:** Kayleigh, baby, listen: we're here to protect you from Bill Gates. You may not know who he is, but he's a very mean deep state person here to "punch" you, which means not actually punch you. But we're not gonna let him hurt you. Hilda, give her the medicine! > > **Hilda N.:** Here you go, Skye. > > (Hilda drops the holistic protection capsule into the ocean. Ten seconds later, a two-meter-long wooden rod is thrown onto the boat from the water level by a mysterious force.) > > **Kevin M.:** Stick! Call the police! > > (Maureen picks up the rod, reading an inscription on the side: "holi stick of awaken see monster by dado - hit a thing to use yes") > > **Hilda N:** PUT IT DOWN! THAT'S HOW THEY GET YOU! > > **Maureen W.:** Not a chance, Hilda! Not when we're so close! > > (She strikes the rod against the guardrail. An otherworldly clanging sound resonates through the hollow rod, striking an unseen psychic chord with all the creatures of the deep, and for a merciful few seconds, the oceans are silent, as if to solemnly acknowledge what inevitably is to come) > > **Kevin M.:** Do that again and I'm telling the Yacht Club you're trying to sabotage the paint job. > > **[http://www.scpwiki.com/scp-169 <UNKNOWN>:]** **These the wankers you was talkin' 'bout, Linda darlin'?** > > **Hilda N.:** //Explosive diarrhea!// > > **[http://www.scpwiki.com/scp-169 <UNKNOWN>:]** **Get fucked, Yanks.** > > (Catastrophic marine seismic event, recording equipment is destroyed) > > <End log> [[footnoteblock]] [[include :scp-wiki:component:license-box]] [[include :scp-wiki:component:license-box-end]]