Link to article: SPC-169-J.
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[[>]] [[module Rate]] [[/>]] [[include component:image-block name=ahab2.jpg| caption=Test firing of an Ahab-2 unit off the Eastern coast of Brazil. ]] **Item #:** [[[scp-169|SPC-169]]] **Object Class:** Megalodon **Shark Punching Contingencies:** Due to its immense size, direct punching of SPC-169 will prove impractical. As such, Project Ahab has been established for the full-scale pugilization of SPC-169. Project Ahab consists of simultaneous Dreadnought-class punchery from five separate sources in the southern Atlantic Ocean: # **Ahab-1 "Fist of Neptune":** 50 satellites currently located in stationary orbit over critical points of SPC-169's anatomy. These satellites are capable of releasing 100kg tungsten-osmium sculptures of fists into Earth's atmosphere, which will use the natural acceleration of Earth's gravity to punch SPC-169 at terminal velocity. # **Ahab-2 "Fist of Triton":** Ten volleys of 20 intercontinental ballistic missiles modified for shark-punching purposes with Kaiju-grade Doomfist tips. # **Ahab-3 "Fist of Calypso":** Two-stage operation in which Megara-277EA92R (a van-sized asteroid in an L4 orbit around the Earth) is 1. implanted with several boxing gloves, and 2. magnetized directly onto SPC-169. # **Ahab-4 "Fist of Cthulhu":** 500 modified drilling rigs will be installed on the exterior of SPC-169 for the purpose of applying continuous punching action over the course of several years. # **Ahab-5 "Fist of Nemo":** [DATA EXPUNGED] will be trained in bareknuckle boxing techniques and summoned to challenge SPC-169 to fisticuffs. **Description:** SPC-169 is the largest shark ever encountered by the Shark Punching Center, believed to be between 2,000 and 8,000 km in length. Radar analysis has detected a hardened outer carapace, indications of a state of dormancy, and, unfortunately, a complete lack of exterior indications of punching. SPC-169 is believed to have existed since the Pre-Cambrian era. Due to the ethical ramifications of a shark having remained unpunched for that long, Project Ahab is to be executed as soon as possible. **Addendum 1 - Shark Identification Discrepancies:** > <Begin Log> > > **Dr. Swayze:** Sir, we have reason to believe that SPC-169 is not a shark. > > **Administrator:** Explain. > > **Dr. Swayze:** SPC-169 has an exoskeleton, as well as multiple sets of limbs and feelers. In truth, I believe SPC-169 is a very large arthropod. > > **Administrator:** Interesting. Tell me, is SPC-169 located in the ocean? > > **Dr. Swayze:** Yes. > > **Administrator:** Is it larger than a dolphin? > > **Dr. Swayze:** [Audible sigh] Yes. > > **Administrator:** Does it have lots of pointy parts that could potentially be dangerous? Then it's a shark! This is entry-level sharkspotting; you really should know better at this point. > > **Dr. Swayze:** Sir, with all due respect: by that logic, sperm whales, orcas, and narwhals could also be called "sharks". > > **Administrator:** ...oh God, no. > > <End Log> Following this meeting, an emergency initiative was established for the investigation and immediate punching of SPC-170 ("Moby Dick Sharks"), SPC-171 ("Free Willy Sharks"), and [[[spc-172-j|SPC-172 ("Sword Sharks?!")]]]. **Addendum 2 - Ethics Committee Review:** > <Begin Log> > > **Dr. Balboa:** We've been going over the agenda for Project Ahab, and I think we need to step up the lethality. > > **Administrator:** On what grounds? > > **Dr. Balboa:** If we were to punch this... shark, and we did not kill it, I'm fairly certain its enraged awakening would potentially cause irreversible damage to human civilization. > > **Administrator:** But would it be punched? > > **Dr. Balboa:** The human race would go extinct, but yes, SPC-169 would be punched. > > **Administrator:** Look, whatever the fine print says, our job is done once the fist is in the shark's bitch face. Forgive me if I fail to see how the most punchable shark in our organization's history is generating so much nitpicking. > > <End Log> [[include component:license-box]] ===== > **Filename:** ahab2.jpg > **Author:** [[*user daveyoufool]] > **License:** CC BY-SA 3.0 > **Derivative Of:** > ---- > **Name:** saturnv-3_0.jpg > **Author:** NASA > **License:** Public Domain > **Source Link:** [https://nasa.gov/for-kids-and-students/what-was-the-saturn-v-grades-5-8 NASA.gov] ===== [[include component:license-box-end]]