Link to article: SPC-172-J.
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[[>]] [[module Rate]] [[/>]] **Item #:** SPC-172 **Object Class:** Apollyōken **Selachian Pugilization Contingencies:** Due to its anomalous effect, SPC-172 is unpunchable. In lieu of the abandoned full-scale punching campaign of SPC-172, the **DARWIN CAN EAT MY ASS** protocol has been enacted to drive SPC-172 to extinction through non-pugnātorial means. Failure to eradicate SPC-172 poses a nonzero risk of SPC-172-A spreading as a dominant evolutionary trait among sharks in the long term, which would result in an End-of-World K/O Failure Scenario. **Description:** SPC-172 is a selachian entity known to civilians as the narwhal[[footnote]] //(Monodon monoceros)// [[/footnote]]. While technically a mammal, SPC-172 meets the Shark Punching Center's [http://www.scp-wiki.net/spc-169-j three criteria for verifiable sharkitude]. Over time, male instances of SPC-172 have evolved a facial stabbing implement (heretofore SPC-172-A) that completely neutralizes all punching attempts. ++ Punchination Attempt Log-172: ||~ Punch Attempt ||~ Punch Result ||~ Notes || || Agent Seagal uppercutting a captive instance of SPC-172. || False-positive || "We've been over this. It doesn't count unless it's //directly// in the shark's face." - Coach Naismith || || Agent Seagal punching a captive instance of SPC-172 in the face. || Negative || Following surgery and successful recovery, Seagal has since requested transfer to another project that doesn't involve punching a pointed stick. || || Agent Seagal punching a captive instance of SPC-172 in the face, harder. || Negative || "Good Lord, it's like he's wearing his arm as a horn sock..." - Coach Naismith || || Deployment of a fist-tipped [http://www.scp-wiki.net/spc-169-j Ahab-2] unit modified for underwater deployment into an instance of SPC-172 || Inconclusive || An autopsy of the resulting cloud of shredded viscera was unable to return any evidence of successful facial fisticuffs. || || Agent Seagal punching a captive instance of SPC-172 in the face even harder, with his other arm. || Negative || The fist came within 1.2 meters of the instance's face before Agent Seagal succumbed to lethal injuries consistent with fishkebabitization. || || Agent Norris punching a captive female - ergo, hornless - instance of SPC-172. || N/A || Punch was initially successful and resulted in death of the instance, but autopsy revealed that female instances of SPC-172 are toothless, which causes them to fail the third criterion of verifiable sharkitude, "does it have pointy bits," and - ergo - are not sharks. || || Agent Norris punching a juvenile male instance of SPC-172, with a smaller SPC-172-A instance than usual, in the face. || N/A || "Come on, he's a //kid.//" - Coach Naismith || || Agent Norris punching a captive male instance of SPC-172 in the face, harder than Agent Seagal. || N/A || "I quit." - Agent Norris. || || Agent Norris punching a captive male instance of SPC-172 in the face, harder than Agent Seagal, or Coach Naismith will burn his house down. || Negative || The fist came within 1.1 meters of the instance's face before Agent Norris succumbed to lethal injuries consistent with fishkebabitization. || || Sawing off a captive male instance of SPC-172's SPC-172-A, then punching it. || N/A || "We're the Shark Punching Center, not the Shark Editing //Then// Shark Punching Center. Lose the goddamn training wheels." - Coach Naismith || || Usage of experimental selachian-punching device **HERCULES HATES SHARKS** to partially decrease the mass of Agent Norris's rocket-propelled disembodied fist in such a manner that it phases through the SPC-172-A instance and lands on the captive male instance's face. || Inconclusive || Device failed, dimensional anomaly generated, accidentally punched God. || [[footnoteblock]] [[include :scp-wiki:component:license-box]] [[include :scp-wiki:component:license-box-end]]