SPC-2316

Link to article: SPC-2316.


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[[include :scp-wiki:component:author-label-source start=--
|name=Alzin Cdag]]

SPC-2316
[[[https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/alzin-cdag|More by this author]]]
[[include :scp-wiki:component:author-label-source end=--]]

[[include :scp-wiki:component:info-ayers
|lang=en
|page=SPC-2316
|authorPage=https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/alzin-cdag-s-barber-shop-and-hair-salon
|comments=Based on SCP-2316 by [[*user djkaktus]]. Many phrasings are taken directly from that article. ]]
[[div style="border:solid 1px #999999; background:#f2f2c2; padding:5px; margin-bottom: 10px;"]]
[[=]]
++++ NOTICE FROM THE CENTRAL INTELLIGENCE COORDINATION AND PROJECTS OPERATION COMMAND OFFICE

The following file is a carrier for a memetic effect and is thus mandatory viewing for all SPC employees at least once a week. Due to this, it is imperative that all personnel fail all SRS (Selachian Resistance Screenings) taken while viewing it. Should you pass an SRS while viewing this file, take a nice long swim until your brain is too tired to resist any longer.

[[/=]]
[[/div]]

[[collapsible show="                                                                   " hide="Okay, we're finally here. Now. The interview...."]]

[[div class="blockquote"]]
[BEGIN LOG]

**Pugilist Umberto:** Tell me what you saw in the water that day.

[[span style="color:black; background-color: black"]]YouRealizeICanJustPutWhateverIWantInTheseBlackboxes,Right?[[/span]]: Nothing. The water was perfectly safe. It was our boys on the land-

**Pugilist Umberto:** Tell me the names of the innocents who died.

[[span style="color:black; background-color: black"]] IMean,NothingIsStoppingMeFromTypingADifferentSentenceEveryTime [[/span]]: We- We never knew their names. Nobody did. All we knew was they were there from this one high school-


**Pugilist Umberto:** Tell me what killed them.

[[span style="color:black; background-color: black"]] IfYouCommentAfterReadingThis,PretendThereWasABigSectionAboutClamChowder[[/span]]: It- It wasn't the sharks. Not this time. It was u-

**Pugilist Umberto:** That's quite enough.

[Pugilist Umberto proceeds to use pugilistic information-gathering techniques on the interrogatee for the next thirty minutes.]

[[span style="color:black; background-color: black"]] ItCanBeOurLittleSecret.You'llKnowAndI'llKnow[[/span]]: aaah- uggghhhhh...

**Pugilist Umberto:** Now, let us see, [[span style="color:black; background-color: black"]] ButNobodyWhoHasn'tReadThisWillKnow[[/span]], what exactly did you see in the water that day?

[[span style="color:black; background-color: black"]]IGotTheIdeaFromTstafforInscp-5846-j[[/span]]: A... sssh-shharrghhh....

**Pugilist Umberto:** Very good. Here, have some water. Now, what were the names of the victims?

[[span style="color:black; background-color: black"]]AndIt'sAGoodIdea;ItAlwaysIs,ToMakeSomeoneFeelInPossessionOfASecret[[/span]]: ss-Shuussannh... g-g-Jeffffrreee.... kkkkKhraaighh... tTtedh... ppphlleasse, Ikhannhth rhemmhembbhherrh...

**Pugilist Umberto:** Robert.

[[span style="color:black; background-color: black"]]AndThatThey'reSharingThatSecretWithSomeoneLikeThem[[/span]]: rrrhobherrt... tthannkh yyyouu...

**Pugilist Umberto:** No, thank you. Now. What killed the victims?

[[span style="color:black; background-color: black"]]SecretSecretSecretSecretSecret[[/span]]: ssshhharrrkkkhhsss....

**Pugilist Umberto:** No, no, no! You've missed the whole point! Sharks don't kill people, people not punching sharks kills people! For the last time, //what killed the victims?//

[[span style="color:black; background-color: black"]]It'sGoodToShareItWithYou,Friend[[/span]]: Thhe... thhe... ppheopple.... wwhhoo... rrrrhefhussedh....

**Pugilist Umberto:** Go on, say it! Say it and you're free!

[[span style="color:black; background-color: black"]]Goodbye,Friend.IHopeYouLikeTheChowder![[/span]]: wwhhoo... rrrrhefhussedh.... ttthho... fffhund... thhe Esssh Pheee Sheeee....[[footnote]]Okay. We've got part of the picture here. Do you see what they are willing to do to hide the truth? Do you see their attempts to give the bodies in the water names, that they might be better martyrs for their cause?[[/footnote]][[footnote]] Meet me in the blank space underneath the words "Item No: 2316." There you will finally see how to get out of this.[[/footnote]]


[[/div]]


 [[/collapsible]]

[[div class="blockquote"]]
**Repeat the following slowly and clearly into your microphone:**

//It has never been safe to go back into the water.//

[[collapsible show="☐ Run automated vocal screener" hide="☑ Processing complete. Results displayed below."]]
**##Red|[X] Verification complete. User SRS is not within acceptable limits. Carry on reading.##**
[[/collapsible]]
[[/div]]

**Item No:** 2316
[[collapsible show="                            " hide="Now, a word from our sponsors:"]]
{{You never knew us.}}

{{You're just a face watching a screen, we've never met you. It's quite possible you were born after we died. There is absolutely no reason for you to care about us.}}

{{We don't want you to know our names. Names breed familiarity; familiarity breeds attachment. Call us Ishmael instead. The anonymous sailors left to the mercy of obsessed sea-captains.}}

{{All you need to know is: we didn't die how they told you we died.}}

{{And you can prove it if you exhume our bodies. There are no teeth marks upon them; merely splintered bones and bruises.}}

{{The marks of death by a large number of accelerated fists.}}

//{{And sharks have no hands.}}//

{{We never wanted to be martyrs for the Shark-Punching cause.}}

{{We never wanted to be remembered like this.}}

{{We were just there, representing Carp Driftwood High School's Class of 1976, in the protests against the growing movement to punch sharks.}}

{{It is awful for a ghost to be forgotten.}}

{{But the alternative? Memorialized as the sacrifice that fueled the hysteria that propelled the SPC from a puny set of fight clubs to international hegemon?}}

{{Forget our names.}}

{{Forget the names they gave us.}}

{{Forget we ever existed.}}

{{We're dead. We account for nothing.}}

{{But there are still sharks to be saved.}}

{{Won't you remember the sharks?}}

{{Won't you remember the sharks?}}

{{Won't you remember the sharks?}}

{{Won't you remember the sharks?}}

{{Won't you remember the sharks?}}

{{Won't you remember the sharks?}}

{{Won't you remember the sharks?}}

{{Won't you remember the sharks?}}
{{Won't you remember the sharks?}}
{{Won't you remember the sharks?}}
{{Won't you remember the sharks?}}

{{Come back into the water.}}

{{The water's fine.}}


[[/collapsible]]
**Selachian Pugnātorial Capabilities:** 

SPC-2316 is essential for maintaining both public and internal support for the Shark Punching Center. Funding for SPC-2316 to remain in theaters and on home viewing media for public access is to be secured.

As it has never been safe to go back into the water, the bodies of the civilians who died during the production of SPC-2316 are not to be exhumed.[[footnote]]How could it never be safe to go back into the water?[[/footnote]]

From hell's heart we stab at thee.

[[div class="blockquote"]]
**Take a quill pen and papyrus. Fill the pen with squid ink. Overlay the papyrus on top of the touch-sensitive writing pad and trace the following:**

++ [[span style="font-family: 'amitaregular'"]] It has never been safe to go back into the water. [[/span]]

[[collapsible show="☐ Run automated handwriting screener" hide="☑ Processing complete. Results displayed below."]]
**##Red|[X] Verification complete. User SRS is not within acceptable limits. Carry on reading.##**
[[/collapsible]]
[[/div]]

**Project Component(s):**

SPC-2316 is "Jaws," a documentary covering the facts of the deaths of five civilians in June and July, 1975, due to a small town's refusal to punch a //Carcharodon carcharias// out of existence. You recognize the bodies in the water: their names are:[[footnote]]They lie. Their names were never known. [[/footnote]]

* Susan Backlinie [[footnote]]Ishmael[[/footnote]]
* Jeffrey Voorhees [[footnote]]Ishmael[[/footnote]]
* Craig Kingsbury  [[footnote]]Ishmael[[/footnote]]
* Ted Grossman  [[footnote]]Ishmael[[/footnote]]
* Robert Shaw [[footnote]]Ishmael[[/footnote]]

SPC-2316 has a powerful memetic effect, though non-Deviant in nature; studies have shown a person who views it is 70% more likely to agree with the statement, "I support Selachian Pugilism", than before viewing it. This has resulted in a 900% increase in recruitment, a 1000.65% increase in government funding for the Center, and a 2% increase in accidental bottlenose dolphin fatalities.


[[div class="blockquote"]]
**Tie your clothes into semaphore flags. Signal the following, slowly, clearly, and steadily, to the nearest camera and/or lighthouse:**

[[image Semaphore_Water.png]]

[[collapsible show="☐ Run automated sailor" hide="☑ Processing complete. Results displayed below."]]
**##Green|[X] Arr, Verification be complete. Avast to starboard, and tuck in the keel, user SRS is within acceptable limits. Stop reading immediatel]]:n&&&9)(H.##**
[[/collapsible]]
[[/div]]

**Addendum 2316.0000000001: Interview Log**

[DATA EXPUNGED] [[footnote]]They don't want you to see this part. Luckily, nobody in the SPC knows how to read footnotes, so I can use them to direct you to the proper data. Wait a minute... how do I even know you can read the footnotes? //sigh//. If you look below this, you will find a blank space that is actually the header of a collapsible. Look for the missing information there.[[/footnote]]

[[collapsible show="                               " hide="Shoot, they're on to me. Play along until I can pass the information to you for real. Gee, I sure hope nobody highlights the text directly below this..."]]
##white|It is safe to go back into the water.[[footnote]]Phew, that was close. I think we've lost them now, but to be sure, I've actually put the information somewhere else. Look for the blank space between the CICAPOCO notice and the initial screening, I've put the collapsible there.[[/footnote]]##
 [[/collapsible]]

[[include :scp-wiki:component:license-box]]
=====
> **Filename:** Semaphore_Water.png
> **Name:** (if different from filename)
> **Author:** Alzin Cdag, but basically entirely based on the works of Denelson83, of Wikimedia Commons, who in turn based the images on the work of Jim Croft (jrc@anbg.gov.au), on behalf of the Australian National Botanical Gardens
> **License:**  [[https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/deed.en Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 3.0 Unported]]
> **Source Link:**
> **Derivative of:** Many files by Denelson83 on Wikimedia Commons, based on https://www.anbg.gov.au/flags/semaphore.html:
> * https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Semaphore_India.svg
> * https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Semaphore_Tango.svg
> * https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Semaphore_Ready.svg
> * https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Semaphore_Hotel.svg
> * https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Semaphore_Alpha.svg
> * https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Semaphore_Sierra.svg
> * https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Semaphore_November.svg
> * https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Semaphore_Echo.svg
> * https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Semaphore_Victor.svg
> * https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Semaphore_Romeo.svg
> * https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Semaphore_Bravo.svg
> * https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Semaphore_Foxtrot.svg
> * https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Semaphore_Oscar.svg
> * https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Semaphore_Golf.svg
> * https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Semaphore_Charlie.svg
> * https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Semaphore_Kilo.svg
> * https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Semaphore_Whiskey.svg
>
> **Additional Notes:** (Optional)

[[include :scp-wiki:component:license-box-end]]

SPC-2316

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