The Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate DEETstiny

Link to article: The Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate DEETstiny.

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[[>]]
[[module Rate]]
[[/>]]

[[=]]

+ **An Epic of Many Acts**

[[/=]]

[[collapsible show="Act 1: On The Case" hide="End of Act 1"]]

The amount of containment breaches that had happened within the last few weeks had been driving [http://www.scp-wiki.net/catfish Gordon] up the wall in terms of the amount of paperwork he needed to do. The list wasn't too long, it was more how rapidly each of them happened and the ease in which each of them managed to escape Foundation care. Keeping track of where each of them went was becoming a hassle, but fortunately one of them seemed to have a pretty obvious end location, and he needed a team to retrieve it.

He called in one of his best, and [http://www.scp-wiki.net/ethics Agent Johnson] stepped in through the door to his office.

"Johnson." Gordon nodded.

"Sir." Johnson nodded in reply.

"You've done good work in the past, and while we do have quite a few more pressing issues at hand, I figured that you'd be best for the job. You could clean up all our problems nice and quick so we can get back to business." Gordon remarked, sloppily moving the files across his desk for his compatriot to read.

Johnson picked up the files, flipping through them. It felt good to not have to squint through memetics to read a few words. Low-security stuff may not be dramatic, but it was easier on the mind.

"[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-3774 SCP-3774]? It's Neutralized, sir, what's the problem here?"

"It's not the project itself, it's one subject we brought back. [http://www.scp-wiki.net/a-romantic-comedy-starring-a-dead-mosquito-guest-starring-th We resurrected one], asked it about its time with a subject, and intended to kill it again once we were done. Only problem is the interview happened at the same time as a breach." Gordon said, shoving a few more files across the desk towards Johnson, "We have a good idea about who helped it out, but we're not exactly sure where they went."

"So I'm guessing I'm supposed to re-contain them?" Johnson said, opening up the other two files and reading through them.

"Well, re-contain //most// of them. 3774 can be Neutralized on sight, higher up's orders. Good thing is we're pretty sure we know where 3774 is, or at least where it's going."

"You couldn't use the tracker built into it?"

"The reboot didn't sync up the tech to Foundation servers. We didn't think it would be an issue at the time."

"Understandable. Should I assume that [http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-049 049] and [http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-4028 4028] are with it as well?"

"It's likely."

"Well, if you're looking for a recon and re-con mission, I've got a few hookups to give me a hand."

"So long as you get it cleared, use anyone you need. Make it quick, but don't be sloppy."

"Of course, sir."

[[/collapsible]]

[[collapsible show="Act 2: Shock and Awe" hide="End of Act 2"]]

"Ha! Have at thee! Fall, foul giant!" [http://www.scp-wiki.net/una-comedia-romantica-protagonizada-por-un-mosquito Don Quixote] shouted at a rotating stand-up fan.

With a noble swish, the proud knight befell the monster with his blade, causing it to clatter unceremoniously to the ground. [http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-049 The doctor] stood there, arms crossed, exceptionally unamused. The two were standing in the middle of a living room they most certainly did not own among several destroyed knick-knacks and a ceiling fan. The stand-up fan is only the most recent of their prey.

"I was under the impression that we were supposed to be on an adventure of sorts. A grand quest, a jolly bout full of wonder." The doctor said.

"Oh, but we are!" Don Quixote announced proudly, turning back to face his companion.

"We broke into a man's house and are destroying his belongings."

"This is true, yes. You must trust me, mi amigo, for I am doing the work that this man needs! Once Doctor Menard's house is rid of the giants, he will see-"

Don Quixote's shouting was interrupted by a large blue portal opening up in the middle of the room. The blowback from the energy caused the grand knight to drop his blade and shield his face while the doctor did his best to keep his robes from blowing too much. Out of the portal tumbled a dog... or at least something that looked like a dog. [http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-4799 A dog-cyborg hybrid], of sorts.

The dog girl got on her hands and knees, panting. She patted her body with her one non-metallic hand, making sure nothing was broken. She was tired, but as she looked up at the people standing in front of her, her eyes lit up and she let out a relieved sigh.

"Oh thank god... fuck, I can't believe it actually worked with me staying in one piece," she said, "There's no time to explain. My name's Shock and we have a mutual friend who's in grave danger."

"A talking dog? What a pleasure! This is not the adventure I was hoping for, but it is a welcome one all the same!" Don Quixote said, "Don Quixote, the Man of La Mancha, at your service."

Don Quixote gave a dramatic bow, his home-made armor clinking loudly.

"And I am-"

Shock interrupted the doctor, "I know who both of you are. We fought side-by-side, actually. At least until both of you died."

There was a grave silence in the room as Shock spoke, the joy dropping from Don Quixote's face.

"Died?" the doctor asked, "How so?"

"[http://www.scp-wiki.net/my-empire-of-birds In the universe I was just in], we helped your mosquito friend meet her husband. The Foundation beat us there. A fight broke out and, well..." Shock gestured to the side of her head, bleeding from a fresh wound where one would expect an ear, "Not everyone made it out."

"Did Leslie?" the doctor asked, cautiously.

Shock shrugged, "I left before I could see what happened, but her husband definitely didn't make it. I'm here to stop that from happening in this universe."

Don Quixote cleared his throat and put a smile back on his face, "Well, it seems as though we have yet another adventure for us! Shame Doctor Menard isn't here, but we will return to his aid once this quest is done! Come, Good Doctor of Forty-Nine and new companion Shock! We must save the fair maiden from peril!"

[[/collapsible]]

[[collapsible show="Act 3: Al-arm-ony" hide="End of Act 3"]]

[http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-3589 Armando] had been doing his best to lay low after his grand escape. Or... well, whatever you would call [http://www.scp-wiki.net/poky-and-pal-arm-themselves what happened] in the back of that security vehicle. It's easy to stay low when you can pass metal arms off as prosthetics; in fact, it's even kind of cute when a few kids think you're some kind of cool cyborg. West Virginia wasn't a bad place, especially this little town out in the weeds. If he had a normal life, he might not even mind living here if the people around were friendly enough. The only problem was even when he's trying to stay low, trouble seemed to follow him.

He was just about to try out the pizza place a few blocks down, when all of a sudden he saw that it had busted windows and stools thrown everywhere. A couple of heavy trucks were surrounding the place, people dressed in protective gear with weapons at the ready. He would have just backed off if it were a normal robbery or something, but then he saw what the feds were escorting out.

A goddamn cactus. It couldn't be a coincidence that a few weeks ago he had been in the same truck as [http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-3388 a cactus that looked exactly like that], and the way they were handling it made him realize exactly who those feds really were. He stayed hidden, waited until they cleared out, and decided to do a little exploring in the ruins of the pizza place.

What had happened here? It looked like a normal shop, at least a normal destroyed shop. Maybe that thing just wanted to vent a little? Blow off some steam? Armando kicked a fallen stool to see if that could help him relax, too. Nah, didn't really seem his jam.

Just as he was about to leave, he heard a door open from the back. Fuck, someone was still here? Alright, he would just need to act natural and-

"Armando?" said a voice that Armando vaguely thought was familiar.

Armando turned around, internally cursing to himself.

Standing behind the destroyed store counter was the last person Armando expected to see, aside from maybe the resurrected corpse of his great-grandmother.

"My dude! Fuckin... 23-something? I know who you are, I just suck with remembering numbers." Armando said with a smirk.

"Don't have a number anymore. Call me [http://www.scp-wiki.net/slice-of-life Tyrone]," Tyrone said, happily walking forward, hand instinctively outstretched for a pull-in hug.

Armando subtly looked down at his hands to be sure that they were safe for a person to touch before returning the gesture, bringing Tyrone in for a quick pat-and-hug. Pulling back, Armando sighed in relief, happy to see a person he trusted not to turn him in but not to freak out about his arms.

"How'd you bust out, man? Or is this another assignment?" Armando asked.

"I was gonna ask you the same thing, considering you don't have a jumpsuit or a number on you yourself," Tyrone said, wiping his forehead beneath his store uniform hat.

A tiny voice piped up out of nowhere, "Hey, you're with the Foundation too?"

Armando looked around surprised, but tried to keep his cool. Tyrone couldn't help but snort.

"Dude, don't worry, she's with us. As far as I know, she can't hurt you, either." Tyrone reassured.

"Oh, sorry!" [http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-3774 Leslie] said, hovering down to Armando's eye level, "Hello! I'm Leslie, it's good to meet you!"

Armando squinted before finally finding the talking insect in front of him. Internally he wanted to question it, but he did recently talk to a cactus as well, so... he wasn't exactly going to let this be the point where he calls bullshit.

"Pleasure's mine, amiga. How'd a girl like you find yourself in a place like this?" Armando joked.

Leslie simulated a giggle, "It's a long story, but I'm mostly here trying to find my husband. Er, well... he's not really my husband. He's the father of my children."

Armando's eyebrows raised, "Oh yeah? Deadbeat mosquito dad? You going over to get him to pay alimony?"

"Oh, no! Not at all! He's actually not a mosquito at that, he's just a normal human." Leslie corrected. "He watched me die and got his memory wiped, and I've been trying to find him for the last few weeks."

"You know, you haven't really done much explaining about all of that to me, either," Tyrone noted to Leslie, "Like, now that I have a moment to think about it, it's kind of..."

"Weird, I know. You already promised to help for stopping that cactus, though." Leslie said.

"You stopped that cactus? Daaaamn, what'd you do? You must have some pretty powerful psychic stuff to have stopped that thing, it got the upper hand on //me.//" Armando said, hands on his hips.

"N-no... I just... I just kinda talked to them. They had some serious relationship issues that needed airing out." Leslie would have shrugged if she had shoulders.

"Ah. Yes. I see." Armando said, jealous at how easy she made it sound. "Well, uh, I don't exactly have much to do and neither of you seems to be the type to suddenly betray me so... let's find a deadbeat dad!"

"Oh for real? That's awesome! Welcome to the team, man!" Tyrone said going in for a high-five.

Armando returned the high-five, going gentler than usual so he didn't break Tyrone's hand. With that, the two of them started out the ruined front door towards Tyrone's car to head to the neighborhood.

"He's not a deadbeat!" Leslie shouted at them as they walked out, swiftly buzzing behind them.

[[/collapsible]]

[[collapsible show="Act 4: Special Agent 009" hide="End of Act 4"]]

Morning came and Junior Researcher Benedict Kim clocked into work. He yawned, already tired, hoping that today would be a normal day of work. At least, as normal as working for the Foundation could be.

As expected, his phone buzzed. He hoped it was the one person he cared to hear from rather than a co-worker. To his chagrin, it was the latter. Strangely, it was a text from that Johnson guy [http://www.scp-wiki.net/cafeteria-chat he met the other day].

The text read: "Kim, tell [http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-3009 3009] to report to my phone. I've got a job for her. Top priority."

The idea caused Benedict to shiver. He really didn't like the idea of sending Stacey into the fray, but realistically what could they do to her? Considering what resources the Foundation had, they could probably do a lot of things, but...

Phone still in his hand, Benedict got a text, this time from 3009.

[[span class="snapchat-sender snapchat-incoming"]]3009[[/span]]
[[div class="snapchat snapchat-incoming"]]
morning slepy head!
*sleepy
ready for work? I've been trying to think of things I can do! 😁😁
I can be a super spy hopping from phone to phone
Stacey Bond 😎😎
[[/div]]

Benedict sighed. She was going to hate him if she ever found out he denied her a job, but was it really something he wanted to risk? She was fifteen, the stuff that she could see...

[[span class="snapchat-sender snapchat-outgoing"]]Me[[/span]]
[[div class="snapchat snapchat-outgoing"]]
You don't need to worry about thinking of things to do.
[[/div]]

[[span class="snapchat-sender snapchat-incoming"]]3009[[/span]]
[[div class="snapchat snapchat-incoming"]]
😮😮😮
why tho?
don't tell me you don't think I'm ready!
I've already saved your butt before!!!
[[/div]]

Benedict smirked. She was right about that much, considering [http://www.scp-wiki.net/anomalous-teens-against-trilobite-schemes the incident with SCP-4131].

[[span class="snapchat-sender snapchat-outgoing"]]Me[[/span]]
[[div class="snapchat snapchat-outgoing"]]
You've actually been requested for a job, Stacey.
[[/div]]

[[span class="snapchat-sender snapchat-incoming"]]3009[[/span]]
[[div class="snapchat snapchat-incoming"]]
😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮😮
A JOB!!!!!!!!!
[[/div]]

Immediately 3009 went to a video call. 3009's face was beaming and giddy.

"What do I have to do? //Pleeeeeease// tell me I get to be a super spy!" 3009 said, barely containing the excitement in her voice.

"I'm actually not sure, I was just told to tell you to go to Agent Johnson's phone. You remember him, right?" Benedict explained.

"I mean, duh! He said he'd let me do stuff! That's a thousand times more fun than just being stuck in a phone doing nothing. You're really okay with letting me do this?"

Benedict paused, still internally worried, "I mean, technically you make the choice yourself, but... well..."

3009's face dropped, "You're still nervous about me? Do you think I can't do it?"

Benedict tried to smile re-assuredly, "It's not that I don't think you can do it, I know you can! Just... I've been working on your research team for a while and... I'll miss you."

"Aww... thank you, Benny. I'll miss you too, and I promise nothing will go wrong when I'm on the case!" 3009 said sympathetically.

Benedict sighed, "Alright, alright. Please just... be careful, okay?"

"As careful as I can be!" 3009 said, "See you soon!"

Before Benedict could say goodbye, 3009 ended the call. Benedict hoped that he really would see her soon.

[[/collapsible]]

[[collapsible show="Act 5: Tyrone's Day Off" hide="End of Act 5"]]

The sun rose through the window of Tyrone's room. Armando couldn't stay the night in the halfway house for a lot of reasons, but as the case may be Armando already had a room in a motel he could crash in. Fortunately for Leslie, there were no rules about having mosquito houseguests staying the night.

Tyrone cracked his back and yawned, shielding his eyes from the slits of sunlight shining in. Leslie didn't sleep that night. She really didn't need to anymore, she learned; she may get exhausted, but she never needed to sleep, eat, even drink after she was resurrected by the doctor. Instead, Leslie spent her time thinking and staring out the window into the rest of the neighborhood.

"Leslie, you still here?" Tyrone said, eyes reluctantly opening from sleep.

"Yeah, don't worry," she replied.

Tyrone slowly turned his head to the source of the voice, finally seeing her on his windowsill.

"Guessing you're just aching to get out of here, huh?" Tyrone asked, getting out of bed.

"I mean, take your time getting dressed and eating and such," Leslie said, "But yes, I really am. It's been all I've been thinking about and, well... it's finally time."

Tyrone chuckled and made his way over to his closet to get dressed in something decent, "I'm still just like, amazed that you managed to hook up with, like, a normal human guy. You //really// must know how to smooth talk your way into anything, considering what you also did with that cactus. Playing fuckin' relationship therapist."

"I mean, I guess? Most of my social skills come from romantic movies, to be honest..." Leslie admits.

"For real? Damn, that's..." Tyrone paused, thinking about the most polite way to say what he wanted to say, "...that's not what I expected."

"I don't think a lot of people expect a lot of me."

Tyrone didn't respond, silently getting dressed while Leslie continued to stare.

"Do you think he'll want me again?" Leslie asked. "His memory was wiped, he won't know a thing about me..."

Tyrone walked over to the windowsill, squatting down, "I don't know. I've been a guinea pig for years and I still manage to have a little bit of hope left. I'll let you borrow it for a bit, if you want."

Leslie turned around, seeing Tyrone giving a comforting smile. She simulated a giggle before flying up so he wouldn't have to crouch down to be eye level.

"Thanks... I really appreciate what you're doing for me." Leslie said.

"You'll have Armando's and my help through this no matter how it goes. He's a good guy, from my experience with him."

"How do you know him again?" Leslie asked.

"I was his assigned D-Class for a couple of months. I was supposed to test the capabilities of his arms day-to-day, check to see what arms could come out, the stuff that reacts to them, stuff like that. Gave me a couple of nasty burns and cuts from time to time but nothing that didn't heal," Tyrone explained.

"Aw, I'm sorry," Leslie said, "You seem to be friendly with each other, though."

"Yeah, I mean... easier to like the guinea pig than the people that forced the guinea pig to do tests. Plus, he was cool. Helped me feel a bit better about myself, come to terms with what I did to end up, well, end up where I was." Tyrone scratched the back of his head.

Leslie would have smiled if she could. "He seems nice. Hopefully, we can all stay in touch once we're all done here!"

"Yeah, that sounds cool," Tyrone said. "Come on, let's pick up Armando and head over to Clint's."

"Clint?" Leslie asked confused.

"The guy you're looking for? Hair just starting to gray, mustache, four kids?" Tyrone explained.

"Oh, right... he got a new identity. That's going to make introductions even more confusing," Leslie said with a simulated sigh, "But yeah, we should go. It's still early and I'm pretty sure I've got at least a few days off."

Leslie tilted her head. "Why?"

Tyrone paused, looking at her incredulously, "The pizzeria's destroyed?"

"Oh!" Leslie exclaimed, "Right, duh, sorry! But yes, yes, please. We should start heading out."

"After you, miss," Tyrone said, holding the door open.

[[/collapsible]]

[[collapsible show="Act 6: Assembling the J-Team" hide="End of Act 6"]]

3009's face popped onto Agent Johnson's screen. She was smiling, hyped up and ready to do some actual, helpful work. What sorts of incredible and dangerous things would she need to do? Listen in on politicians? Track down people in a death cult? The possibilities were endless!

"Hi Agent Johnson! It really makes me happy that you actually want me to help with something!" 3009 chirped.

"Pleasure to see you again, 3009. Allow me to introduce you to the rest of the team," Agent Johnson said, turning the front-facing camera around to a handsome Spaniard who looked surprised to be talking to a 15-year-old.

"This is our secret weapon? She's a child!" [http://www.scp-wiki.net/scp-3512 Agent Tomás Rey] objected.

"Hey! I'm fifteen!" 3009 huffed, "Fifteen is a teenager, obviously! Fif-//teen//!"

"Excuse me, sorry," Rey said flippantly. "Johnson, are you sure this is okay?"

Johnson nodded, "This is SCP-3009, an anomaly that exists entirely within a phone app. Do you know what 'Snapchat' is? I recently installed it myself to accommodate for 3009, it's actually quite fun."

"I know what Snapchat is, but how will she help?" Agent Rey asked. He then paused mid-thought and turned back to face 3009, "//Lo siento//, I'm Agent Tomás Rey, by the way. I thought you were a normal girl at first."

3009 laughed nervously. She really didn't like thinking about what she was.

"It's no problem, dude," 3009 said, "It's cool to meet another Agent though! Does this make me an Agent, too?"

Johnson turned the phone back towards his face, "That's not up to me. For now, you've just been approved for some recon while Rey and I do the actual recovery."

3009 rubbed her hands together and smiled, "Alright! Whose phone do I need to go to? What hot gossip do I need to overhear?"

"Simple. He's a man named Clint Trevor, lives in West Virginia with his kids. We have an anomaly heading his way that needs to be neutralized, and you're going to be our eyes to watch for when it gets there. Signal us and we'll fly over there and bag it." Johnson explained.

Rey raised an eyebrow to Johnson, "You still haven't even explained the anomaly to me, what even is it? Something big and dangerous?"

"It's a mosquito. Trust me, it's more dangerous to let it stay alive than you think," Johnson said. "Everything else is classified information."

Omitting what the anomaly exactly was and its motives were important to keeping 3009 and Rey both on his side. He knew it was likely going there to try to rekindle their old relationship despite its futility, and letting nobody else know that there was any sapience in it whatsoever could compromise the mission. He trusted Rey a little more than he did 3009 considering Rey's position, but he could tell a hero complex when he saw one.

"Classified, gotcha." 3009 said with an overly dramatic wink. "Alright, anything I need to know?"

"Yes. It may have friends. Please be sure to tell us if the anomaly is alone or not so we can prepare accordingly." Johnson added. "Aside from that, be careful and try to remain as stealthy as possible."

"Yes sir!" 3009 said with a salute. "Bye Johnson! Bye Tomás! I'll be back soon, I hope!"

3009 hung up the call. Johnson really hoped he made the right decision leaving the job up to an anomaly with the maturity of a teenager, but he figured it wasn't a hard job to screw up. All he and Rey had to do now was prepare.

[[/collapsible]]

[[collapsible show="Act 7: Clint Trevor" hide="End of Act 7"]]

Armando yawned and took a sip of his pitch black coffee. The trio had taken a quick pit stop at a local coffee place just to wake up the people that can actually drink coffee. Armando really had no emotional investment in the big meet, but Tyrone liked the gal so he may as well go with it. Leslie had more than enough emotional investment to make up for it anyway.

"I'm just... how do I look? Is there something I should do to make a good first impression?" Leslie asked nervously as they got closer and closer.

"You look like... a mosquito," Armando said.

"I mean, he's right, I'm not sure what you //could// do to dress up," Tyrone added. "You're going to be fine, trust us. I haven't interacted with the guy much, but he's a good guy. Works at the homeless shelter, loves his kids, hosts a backyard barbecue every 4th of July."

"He can //cook//?" Leslie said incredulously. "Are you sure that's my Merle?"

"Listen, I honestly don't know but he knows his way around a grill," Tyrone said. "Shame you don't have a mouth to taste it, though I guess you could, like, suck out the blood in the steak or something?"

"Whatever amnestics they gave him must've given him some talent beyond things he could make in the microwave," Leslie said with a simulated giggle. "Not that I couldn't cook much either with the, you know, lack of hands."

Armando chuckled and took another sip of coffee, "You got any first words you wanna say to him? You wanna make a good impression, yeah?"

Leslie thought to herself for a moment. "No... I tried to think of something at first but, I figured it'd be better to just speak from the heart."

Armando toasted to the air, "Good plan, amiga. Whatever feelings in your gut you got will help way more than whatever thoughts you have in your brain. My gut's gotten me out of a few jams already."

"Really? I would have expected your arms." Tyrone said. "Badum-tss."

Armando punched Tyrone's shoulder. Tyrone flinched, but laughed it off.

"Alright, alright, I'll stop. We're here anyway." Tyrone said, gesturing to the front door of a house. "Want me to knock for you?"

Leslie tried to shake her nerves. She really hoped that this would work out for her.

"Yes." Leslie finally said.

Tyrone knocked on the door. A few moments later it opened, showing the face that made Leslie audibly gasp.

"Hello? Tyrone, what are you doing here so early in the morning?" the man in front of them asked, rubbing his eyes.

"Morning Mr. Trevor. I've got someone who wants to visit you, if you don't mind? She's been looking for you for a while." Trevor said.

Mr. Trevor looked behind Tyrone and directly at Armando. He squinted in confusion.

"Is that her?" he said pointing at Armando.

Armando choked out a nervous laugh, "I'm not a girl? Why would- what?"

"Listen, I had to be sure. I've got two daughters, one of them transitioned and I didn't know if that was your situation too." Mr. Trevor said with a shrug before turning back to Tyrone. "So where is this girl, then? She hiding?"

Leslie decided now would be a good time to finally pipe up, "I'm actually up here."

Mr. Trevor looked around, confused. Leslie at this point should be used to people being confused to where her voice is coming from, but seeing Merle do it in front of him...

"The heck? Where are you?" Mr. Trevor asked.

"I'm..." Leslie had an idea mid-sentence. She hoped it would work. "I'm a ghost!"

Tyrone looked up to where Leslie was floating with a confused look. Armando choked on his coffee, coughing into his sleeve.

"Ha ha, very funny..." Mr. Trevor said, "Could you show yourself, please? I'm being polite, I said please."

Mr. Trevor blinked, a vague memory forming in his head that quickly dissipated.

"I told you, I'm a ghost! Yup!" Leslie remembered their first conversation by heart. It seemed like deep down so did Merle.

"Amiga, what are you doing?" Armando asked.

"I'll call the... the cops if you don't come out..." Mr. Trevor said, his thoughts swimming. "And I don't want to... have I had this conversation before? I'm getting a major case of deja vu here."

"You have, Merle! You have!" Leslie said, flying to Mr. Trevor's eye level. "Please tell me you remember, please!"

Mr. Trevor's eyes focused on the mosquito in front of him. "Merle? My name's Clint, you have the... the wrong guy."

"But, it's me! It's Leslie!" Leslie begged. "Please remember!"

Mr. Trevor paused, taking everything in. Suddenly, his face contorted into a visage of anger and confusion.

"My dead ex-wife is not a fucking //mosquito//, what the //fuck// is this?!" Mr. Trevor shouted.

Any hope that Leslie had was suddenly dashed. Of course, they gave him new memories. Why did she think that she could just insert herself into his life just like that? Why did she think that love could conquer amnestics?

From Clint Trevor's back pocket, 3009 gasped. It was her time to shine now.

[[/collapsible]]

[[collapsible show="Act 8: In Which Armando is Confused for Don Quixote, or The Calm Before The Storm" hide="End of Act 8"]]

3009 was excited. She was really doing it! She actually managed to do a spy job and not get caught! It was hard to see what was going on considering she was in the guy's pocket, but she //knew// that these were the people they were looking for. A mosquito with two friends looking for this guy. They called him Merle for some reason, which was weird, but it was probably a classified thing. Maybe one day she'd learn why it was classified? Either way, she needed to sound the signal!

Johnson was waiting patiently in his office with Rey, who was reading the files on Don Quixote. He didn't know when he would hear back from 3009, whether it would be in a few more hours or several weeks but in the meantime, it would be good to help his partner know who they could be dealing with.

"So we could actually be fighting Don fucking Quixote? //The Man of La Mancha//?" Rey said incredulously.

"Yes and no. It's hard to truly say what SCP-4028 is, but it at the very least is under the delusion that they are Don Quixote." Johnson says. "Do you know what Pataphysics is?"

Before Rey could answer, 3009 popped up on Johnson's phone screen. "Guys! Guys! It's here! It showed up, it showed up!"

"Damn, that was actually pretty fast," Rey said, setting down the file, "Was Don Quixote there?"

"Who?" 3009 asked.

"He's a Spanish man dressed as a knight," Johnson explained.

"Oh! Well, there was a guy with a Spanish accent, I think! I didn't see what he was wearing because of where the phone was, but I know for a fact that the mosquito thing wasn't alone!" 3009 said, "So what's the plan now? We gonna swoop on down and capture them like badasses?"

"No, you've done everything we needed you for. Rey and I just need to get to the chopper so we can discretely contain the anomalies." Johnson said as he stood up from the table, setting the phone down on the desk. "If we're dealing with the anomalies that are assumed to be in 3774's company, we should prepare for a potential fight."

"Non-lethally, right?" Rey asked.

"We were only cleared to neutralize 3774. Everyone else is to be re-contained as usual." Johnson explained. "Come, we have no time to lose."

"But..." 3009 interjected, "Is that it? I was only there for a few hours! Come on, maybe I could do more!"

Johnson sighed, "Sorry, you've done all you can for now. We can't risk any potential breaches of information. For now we're done, we'll contact you if you're needed later."

Johnson hung up the call before 3009 could interject, pocketing the phone and putting it on silent. He and Rey made their way out of the office to get armed and ready. Quickly in, quickly out. Minimal casualties. It was time to be the Foundation's cleanup crew.

3009, on the other hand, wouldn't be so easily dissuaded. If she wouldn't be allowed to join in on the fun with authorization, she could at least watch it unfold. She knew whose phone she needed to join in on if she wanted to get a front row seat, and she wasn't about to miss this opportunity. It was time to see Foundation badassery in action.

[[/collapsible]]

[[collapsible show="Act 9: Vague Memories" hide="End of Act 9"]]

Clint Trevor's neighborhood was peaceful. Next door, a couple was planning a wedding. The next house over, a brother and his younger sister were playing on their Nintendo Switch. Further down, Miss Ramsey was tending to her garden. You could hear the sound of cicadas calling, and a few geese honking. It was an overcast day.

Clint was standing at his front door, fuming at the ears in front of two men and a mosquito.

"Tyrone, don't fucking play games. Leslie died //years// ago, don't you dare fucking tell me that //that// is Leslie!" Clint said, gesturing towards the mosquito. "That //thing// cannot be Leslie, I didn't marry //that// for 20 years! I didn't meet //that// in high school in film club! If you think this is funny, you are officially //uninvited// to next year's barbecue!"

"I, uh..." Tyrone rubbed the back of his head, "I'm really not sure how to say this man."

"Say that you're fucking joking. Say that you really didn't just wake me up at 8 AM to tell me that I married a fucking mosquito and she's here now somehow and //not// dead."

Leslie stayed quiet. She didn't know what to say, if she should say anything. Maybe it was all for nothing. Maybe she just caused an unnecessary amount of trouble.

"Listen man, I don't know how to tell you this, but it's true." Armando chimed in, sipping his coffee afterward. "Like, I don't know you or her too well, but she's apparently got a lot of memories about you. Knows shit about you that only a wife would know."

"We technically didn't get married..." Leslie murmurs.

Clint turned toward Armando, eyes full of rage. "Who the //fuck// even are you? Why are you even here?"

Armando shrugged, face still stoney. "Had nowhere else to be and felt like helping a gal get her alimony check."

"I told you it's not a thing about money," Leslie said annoyedly.

Clint's face turned red. "You all, whoever you are, can leave my property right fucking now. Whatever you're doing to make that mosquito talk, whatever weird fucking drone shit it is, cut it out. And don't come back here until you have the common sense to not joke about someone's dead wife."

Leslie started to panic. Things were going south way too fast, she needed to say something that she knew that only someone close to him would know. Where his birthmark was? His mother's middle name?

Just as Clint was about to slam the door in their faces, Leslie piped up "Your favorite movie is an American in Paris! When you were a kid you had a crush on the actress Leslie Caron, who played Lise! You started watching Law and Order because you heard she guest-starred in it once!"

Clint stopped and looked at the mosquito incredulously. He looked down to Tyrone with confusion.

"Who told you that? Did you program that thing to say that just so you could try to trick me?" Clint asked.

"He didn't program anything! I really am Leslie!" Leslie exclaimed.

Tyrone just shrugged, looking as confused as Clint. Armando was enjoying the moment, sipping coffee and relaxing in the moment. Leslie felt like she may finally have an edge. 3009 would be eating popcorn if she had any, as she was listening intently from Clint's pocket.

Clint almost felt like slapping the mosquito out of the air and being done with it but... it felt too specific. It felt almost like it could be real, and the tiny nagging in the back of his head made him not want to slam the door this time. Either this was the most complex prank he's ever been a part of or something else was going on. Maybe he should find out... the worst thing that could happen is he's part of a prank video compilation.

"Come on in, we're going to need to talk," Clint said.

[[/collapsible]]

[[collapsible show="Act 10: The Long and Arduous Final Act" hide="End of Act 10"]]

A few hours had passed since Clint had just barely opened up to the idea that a mosquito might actually be his dead wife, or that his wife never existed. Clint could feel old memories trying their best to break out, but he couldn't quite grasp them. Whether it was because they might not be real or he didn't really want to hold them, he wasn't sure. He was thankful that it was a weekend so the kids mostly stayed in their rooms; he didn't want anyone to come into the living room just yet.

The entire time, 3009 internally wrestled with whether or not to interject. She was under the impression this thing was something dangerous that was going to suck this guy's blood but... she seemed nice. She seemed human, or at least, like someone who wanted to be human. Someone who was struggling to find an identity and was just hoping for someone to listen to her.

All the while, Agents Johnson and Rey were very nearly at their target. Their plane was just a few miles away, so they prepared for the jump. They would capture the necessary targets, amnesticize any witnesses and meet up at the designated rendezvous point for the return flight. It was simple, as most thought-out retrieval jobs were. Johnson was confident in himself. Rey was confident in himself. Whether they were confident in each other was yet to be seen.

"So this Foundation..." Clint said, "You all work for them? You're all secretly government spies?"

"Not exactly." Leslie tried to explain. "Armando's an anomaly that escaped, Tyrone is technically released and well... I'm kind of both."

Clint looked over and gestured to Armando, "You're an anomaly? Like, you've got weird stuff about you? What can you do?"

Armando chuckled, taking off his gloves and rolling up his sleeves, revealing his entirely metal arms. "See these, hombre?"

Clint nodded.

Armando grabbed his upper arms and ripped them both off cleanly. They clattered to the ground, then both waved to Clint. Slowly in their place, Armando grew an arm made of plastic and another made of adhesive tape. Clint's jaw was practically on the floor.

"I see you're impressed. Many people are." Armando said, making all of his active arms flex.

"Fucking shit... normally when I'm being told that there's a shady government organization that wiped my memory, I'd just serve them another bowl of soup in the soup kitchen but... fuck, it's hard for me to unsee the shit I've just seen now," Clint said.

"Merle, I know it's hard to believe, but this is the truth. It will take time for this to set in, and your old memories may never come back, but... I'm here for you. I always will be." Leslie assured, buzzing over to Clint's armchair, looking up at him hopefully.

"Why do you keep calling me Merle?" Clint asked. "Was that my name before?"

"Yes, Merle Gilroy. You lived in Michigan before, you were a janitor at Lakeway High School." Leslie explained.

"I remember living in Michigan, but I... I don't remember the janitor part. I remember meeting my wife Leslie at Lakeway, is that where I met you?" Clint asked.

"No, we, uh... we met when I yelled at you from the top of your bookshelf in the middle of the night," Leslie said sheepishly.

"Huh. Guess the ways you meet people aren't exactly standard when the person you're meeting is a mosquito." Clint shrugged with a light laugh. "Still not sure if you're really my wife or not, but I'm at least able to accept the fact that you know me, and that you're a real talking mosquito."

Leslie flitted her wings excitedly. She was glad that they were making progress!

Not moments later, there was a knock on the door. Everyone turned around, wondering who else could possibly be joining in on the conversation. Clint told everyone to stay put while he answered the door, and he slowly sauntered up. Leslie buzzed up to get a good view, but made sure to still be out of the way.

Before Clint could open the door, it was kicked open, smashing into Clint's nose, and flinging him onto his back. Johnson didn't really care about subtlety, considering the amount of reserve amnestics they had in case of civilians. Weapons raised, he and Rey entered the house.

"Fuck, that does not sound good," Armando remarked, standing up.

"It's the Foundation!" Leslie shouted. "We gotta go, come on!"

Tyrone was already heading towards the back door, but Armando stayed put.

"How many of them are there?" Armando asked, cracking his neck.

"Two of them, but they look dangerous," Leslie said, buzzing away to follow Tyrone.

"I'm pretty dangerous too, I think. Why run when you can just stick it where it hurts?" Armando said, beginning to pull arms.

Agent Johnson and Agent Rey, dressed in full reinforced recovery gear, rounded the corner to the living room, weapons raised. Rather than being greeted by Don Quixote, the Plague Doctor, and a talking mosquito as expected, they just saw a man amassing an army of arms and someone else fleeing out the back door. These were NOT the anomalies that were expected.

"I'll get the runner, you get this one. Try to find the mosquito, she wouldn't leave Mr. Trevor's side." Johnson said, already pursuing Tyrone before Rey could object.

Rey groaned as he saw what he had to face, "//Mierda//... you wouldn't happen to be Don Quixote, would you?"

Armando shrugged, "//Lo siento amigo//, I'm just a guy with a lot of arms."

"Great. Well... it'd be easier if you just came easy, I don't want to hurt you." Rey said, weapon still raised.

"//No manches//, I busted out already, no intention on going back," Armando said, three dozen arms ready to fight.

Rey sighed. "Fine. Let's go."

The arms started flying, battering Rey as much as they could. Many of them got holds on Rey's uniform and were already trying to pull him to the ground, but Rey began to unload with his pistol, neutralizing many of the arms that were easier to take down. A few metal arms and a couple of stone arms were being troublesome, grabbing and scratching at his reinforced padding, but not able to make much damage. Armando kept pulling arms, but upon finding one made of glass, rather than pulling it he smashed it against the wall, turning it into a jagged blade.

Armando dashed at the mostly immobilized Rey, blade pointed at his neck. Rey raised his own arm to block it, but the jagged glass managed to catch his hand, causing blood to spurt out onto Armando's face. Rey shouted in pain, but the minor distraction caused the arms on his legs to loosen up, allowing him to kick some of them off.

Rey, with one free leg, booted Armando away into the back of a loveseat with a crash. Armando grunted, but he knew he still had the upper hand. After re-centering himself, he ripped his glass arm out. As an arm made of paper towels formed, he dashed forward with his weapon, this time aiming for his chest.

All the while, Leslie had to stay quiet. She heard that they were looking for her, so she knew she had to hide. She would run if she could, but they were right, she couldn't let herself leave Clint this way. As the fight broke out between Armando and Rey, Leslie subtly crawled across the ceiling to where Clint was crumpled on the ground, blood leaking out of his nose. She could hear another voice by him, a voice she didn't recognize.

"Hey, hello? What's happening? I can't see anything!" 3009 said from Clint's back pocket.

"Hello?" Leslie said, buzzing down to Clint. She could see that he wasn't unconscious, but he was definitely not entirely there.

"Hey! You're the mosquito right? I remember because you're the only girl voice there." 3009 said. "What's going on? That was the agents coming in, right?"

"Yes, I am and yes, it was. Who are you and how did you know about the agents?" Leslie said, crawling to Clint's back pocket.

"I, uh... I told the agents about where you were." 3009 said sheepishly.

"You told them where we were?! Why would you do that?!" Leslie exclaimed.

"I'm really sorry! I didn't know that you were, you know... a person! I thought you were an anomaly like me! Like, I was just told that you were dangerous and you needed to be neutralized and just... I wanted to help!" 3009 apologized.

Another innocent anomaly used by the Foundation for their dirty work. Leslie couldn't help but feel sympathetic despite what she did. She simulated a sigh and thought about what to say. Whatever she was, she at least had the power to talk to the Foundation, so maybe she could find a way to get them off their trail?

"It's okay, just... can you find a way to get them off of us? Say that I escaped while they were off fighting! I'll hide here in the meantime!" Leslie suggested.

"I mean... they'll probably find out that I lied to them and then I won't be able to help at all!" 3009 said. "I don't want them to hate me..."

"Well... then maybe-"

Leslie was interrupted by the front door once again being kicked open, smacking Clint in the face for the second time. Standing in the doorway were three figures, one tall dark and imposing, one furry and mechanical, and one very, very handsome.

"We are here to save the fair maiden!" Don Quixote announced, blade thrust in the air.

Don Quixote leaned in to see a fight already underway between a man with many arms and a man wearing the armor of the House Foundation. He was incredibly disappointed that the fight had started without him, after all, what's a fight without the greatest fighter known to man? Blade already ready, he began to start a monologue before his great engage.

"Sir Knight! Doctor! And... a dog girl?" Leslie exclaimed excitedly.

Leslie flew up to the three of them, and Don Quixote smiled.

"The fair maiden herself! Do not worry, we are here to rescue you!"

"It's good to see you again, Leslie." The doctor said with a nod.

"Hi! You haven't met me in this dimension but I'm Shock! Also a friend!" Shock said, waving with her egg beater hand.

If Leslie could smile, she would be grinning ear to ear. She knew she was in good hands now.

"What are you doing here guys?" Leslie asked.

"Shock told us something was about to go wrong yesterday. She wanted to prevent it, and we cared about you." The doctor said. "I personally consider you a friend, after all."

"That's really sweet! Thank you, all of you, but... weren't you at Site-19 a few weeks ago? I thought you were doing your own thing, how did you get here?"

Don Quixote put his hands on his hips triumphantly, "I found a shortcut!"

"A shortcut where?" Leslie asked.

"Doesn't matter!" he replied. "What matters is that we're here to save the day through glorious combat!"

At that moment, Agent Johnson came back in through the back door. His gun was holstered and he was already tired. As he surveyed the fight breaking out in the living room and the new fighters appearing in the doorway, he sighed. This was the opposite of what he wanted to deal with today. He already had to let the runner go, but he tagged him with a tracer shot in the leg so he wouldn't get far.

"Alright, fine. I'll be getting marked up for this, but I just need to make the rest of this fight a lot easier." Johnson said, taking aim directly at Don Quixote.

"Hah! You think simple bullets can kill-" Don Quixote staggered back as the bullet penetrated his chest, directly through the heart.

"These bullets can pierce plot armor, Quixote. You'll come back later, don't worry. Probably in a way that's dramatic and convenient. But I need you to be dead for a bit." Johnson said. "Now, to the rest of you..."

Quixote crumpled to the ground, coughing up blood in a way that would bring tears to even the most heartless of men's eyes, yet also in a way that made him look just as handsome as he always did. He reached up, grabbing towards the hands of his dear friends, one of which he only met yesterday, then went towards the light. One could maybe hear angels if Johnson didn't take over this narrative so we could get back to the business of the fight at hand.

Johnson assessed the situation. He looked at the remaining combatants in the doorway mourning their friend. He turned towards Rey and Armando, fighting a bloody battle that seemed evenly matched. He saw Clint Trevor, body slumped but still breathing. Then Johnson got an idea. He was already going to be reprimanded for being sloppy, but he could justify his next action.

As the doctor and Shock focused back on Agent Johnson, Johnson turned the focus of his pistol towards Clint. He could be amnesticized, yes, but considering the surprise chaos happening on this mission, he could justify this as an unfortunate casualty. Johnson took aim and fired, sending a bullet straight through Clint's forehead. Leslie could only watch helplessly as his body went still.

Leslie witnessed two people die. First a good friend who had come to rescue her, and now the man she loved. She didn't know what to do. So she screamed.

Johnson dodged out of the way as Shock and the doctor rushed him, the doctor's hands outstretched and Shock's egg beater hand whirring. Johnson didn't know much about the dog thing, but he definitely knew one thing about the doctor: don't let him touch you. He ducked out of the way of the doctor's hand, sweeping him onto the ground, causing his body to crash into Shock's, knocking them both over. Shock yelped in pain as one of her metal legs creaked under the weight.

"Bastard!" Shock shouted. "I'll fucking kill you this time! I promise!"

Johnson didn't have a directive to keep the dog thing alive, in fact, he didn't even know what the dog thing was. It would make life a lot easier if he only had to fight one person, so while Shock was down, Johnson took aim.

"Well, excuse me for doing my job, whoever you are," Johnson said as he fired two quick shots into Shock's head.

As the fight raged on, Leslie flew over to Clint, no, to Merle. She didn't know what was happening, but she knew it was her fault.

"No, no, no, no no no no //PLEASE// don't be dead! You //can't// be dead, please!" Leslie said, landing on Clint's nose.

"Wait, what's going on? Mosquito girl, who died? Hello?" 3009 asked from Clint's pocket to no answer.

Leslie couldn't think about anything else but Merle. She remembered everything, how they met, how much he trusted him, when she died and gave Merle her kids, all the movies they watched, the one night where he actually took her out to a movie theatre... Leslie wanted to cry but she couldn't. She could only yell and scream about how unfair the world was.

Yelling and screaming and staying still on Merle's face made Leslie a very easy target for Johnson to hit. While the doctor was still trying to stand up, Johnson saw his moment to fulfill his primary directive. He took aim at the nose and fired, sending yet another bullet through the man's face, happening to strike a mosquito in its path. Leslie's screaming stopped.

The doctor may have been groggy, but he knew what had happened. He took a moment to process the death around him, then saw that Johnson's guard was still down, trying to figure out if Leslie was dead or not. He struck out in rage, yelling and leaping up from Shock's limp body to tackle Agent Johnson in his moment of vulnerability. The attack caught Johnson by surprise and his pistol flew out of his hand. The doctor pinned Johnson on his back and ripped off Johnson's helmet, revealing how utterly plain he looked.

"You... //reek// of Pestilence..." the doctor said, placing two fingers on Johnson's forehead, draining the life out of him in an instant.

The doctor stood up from Johnson's corpse, casually walking over to Agent Rey, whose helmet was already forcefully removed in the fight. The doctor simply touched two fingers on the side of Rey's head, and he collapsed. Armando took a moment before he realized the fight was over. He looked from Rey's limp corpse to the doctor before looking around at the rest of the house. All of the bodies. All of the blood. All of the arms. 3009 was still calling out despite nobody listening.

Outside, cicadas chirped.

[[/collapsible]]

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The Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate DEETstiny

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