Link to article: That's The Joke.
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[[include :scp-wiki:component:pride-highlighter |inc-s9-lgbt-alt= --]]] [[>]] [[module Rate]] [[/>]] [[size 0%]]in the shape [[/size]] > {{__Threat ID:__ KTE-8544-Porcelain "Butt Gh}} > > {{__Authorized Response Level:__ --7 (Apocaly--}} > > {{__Description:__ Type-Z8 poltergeist inh}} > {{capable of travel by inhabiting hu}} > {{subdued temporarily by defec}} > {{taken to avoid falling}} > > {{Wiping is t}} > {{ass}} //I know the thaumaturgists already told us that it wouldn't be susceptible to targeted metaexposure, but I still maintain that it was worth a shot. I didn't even need to use the whole page.//- Researcher James, age 8. ---- > __00:00:__ Test commences. Subject instructed to initiate stated protocols. > > __00:14:__ Subject reports gastrointestinal distress. KTE-8544-Porcelain produces characteristic vocalization. > > __00:23:__ KTE-8544-Porcelain attempts to replicate via subject's posterior, but is hindered by testing protocols. > > __03:19:__ Subject ceases testing protocols. KTE-8544-Porcelain observed to be subdued, but active. Subject instructed to remain on toilet in case protocols must be resumed. > > __03:41:__ <CLASSIFIED> due to subject's unusually small frame and an oversight in toilet selection. > > __04:19:__ <CLASSIFIED> //I would have sworn that those cafeteria burritos would do the trick. Here's hoping they can get the guy a new butt.//- Researcher James. ---- Researcher James was instructed to interview KTE-8544-Porcelain to ascertain information that could assist in the entity's liquidation. > //Researcher James is seen pacing the restroom. Camera focused on KTE-8544-Porcelain shows the entity in its toilet. Scene is dramatic.// > > __<Begin Interview>__ > > __Researcher James:__ So. KTE eight five four four porcelain. If that //is// your real name. Who are you? > > __KTE-8544-Porcelain:__ i am the butt ghost!! > > __RJ:__ And why should I believe you? //<Slams his hands on the toilet seat and presumably glares at the butt ghost in a threatening manner.>// > > __BG:__ im going to eat your butt > > __RJ:__ How bizarre. //<Stands up from the toilet seat and accesses a plastic baggie of Goldfish crackers.>// Why do you eat our butts, butt ghost? Butts do not equal love, you know. > > __BG:__ ffft fart poot poop phbbbt > > __RJ:__ //<Chews on Goldfish crackers like a hard-boiled detective would chew on a cigar.>// Fascinating, truly fascinating. You know, despite your rather... prolific history of gluteocidal self-replication, you seem to be a solitary creature. Mind telling me why? > > __BG:__ //<makes more hilarius farting noises>// > > __RJ:__ But of course. It would only make sense, with you being a butt ghost. One last thing: //<Looks the butt ghost dead in the eye with a chilling stare.>// Wiping. Why does it get rid of you? //Where are the hostages?// > > __BG:__ //<tries to eat jameses butt, butt he cant becus hes in the toilet and james isnt>// im a butt ghost > > __RJ:__ //<Attempts to snap his fingers, but he hasn't quite gotten that down yet.>// It all makes sense now! What else could the moral of the story be? I've got all I need to go to the presses with this! > > __<End Interview>__ > > __Closing statement:__ Researcher James was grounded --for unrelated reasons-- after the conclusion of this interview. //He knows he's only allowed one snack in the afternoon. And by the way, we don't have to make him a Researcher just because only he can talk to it.//- Researcher James's Dad ---- > __Test ID:__ 8544-Porcelain-Gimmel-83 > > __Description:__ At the recommendation of Sanderson Consulting Partners, a task force was formed to use victims of [[[scp-butt-j | KTE-2985-Silver]]] to destroy the butt ghost. Four infectees were brought to the toilet containing the entity. The entity was destroyed by repeated exposure to emissions of the infectees. > > //Question: Is there any reason we couldn't have just used normal lasers?//- Researcher James's Dad > > //Yes. The reason is because butts.//- Researcher James [[[scp-789-j | KTE-8544-Porcelain]]]: Liquidated. [[include :scp-wiki:component:license-box]] [[include :scp-wiki:component:license-box-end]]