To Abhor My Bloody Hands

Link to article: To Abhor My Bloody Hands.


@import url('https://fonts.googleapis.com/css2?family=Courier+Prime:ital,wght@0,400;0,700;1,400;1,700&display=swap');
@import url('https://fonts.googleapis.com/css2?family=IBM+Plex+Mono:ital,wght@0,100;0,200;0,300;0,400;0,500;0,600;0,700;1,100;1,200;1,300;1,400;1,500;1,600;1,700&display=swap');
#main-content {
     max-width: 46rem;
}
#page-title {
    display: none;
}

div#header {
    background-image: url(http://scp-sandbox-3.wikidot.com/local--files/katyastrangelovesexantho/scpsmall);
}

body {
   font-size: 0.95em;
   background: #000000;
}

h1 {
    color: rgb(200, 0, 0);
     text-align: center;
}

h3 {
    color: rgb(201, 21, 21);
     text-align: center;
}

div#container-wrap {
    background-image: url(http://scp-sandbox-3.wikidot.com/local--files/katyastrangeloveabc/bg2);
}

#page-content a {
    color: rgb(201, 21, 21);
}

#side-bar a,
#interwiki a {
    color: rgb(200, 0, 0);
}
#side-bar a:visited,
#interwiki a:visited,
#top-bar a,
#login-status ul a,
#login-status ul a:hover {
    color: rgb(220, 0, 0);
}

#top-bar ul li.sfhover a,
#top-bar ul li:hover a, {
    background: #212121;
    color: rgb(200, 0, 0);
}


.courier-prime-regular {
  font-family: "Courier Prime", monospace;
  font-weight: 400;
  font-style: normal;
}

.courier-prime-bold {
  font-family: "Courier Prime", monospace;
  font-weight: 700;
  font-style: normal;
}

.courier-prime-regular-italic {
  font-family: "Courier Prime", monospace;
  font-weight: 400;
  font-style: italic;
}

.courier-prime-bold-italic {
  font-family: "Courier Prime", monospace;
  font-weight: 700;
  font-style: italic;
}

.ibm-plex-mono-thin {
  font-family: "IBM Plex Mono", monospace;
  font-weight: 100;
  font-style: normal;
}

.ibm-plex-mono-extralight {
  font-family: "IBM Plex Mono", monospace;
  font-weight: 200;
  font-style: normal;
}

.ibm-plex-mono-light {
  font-family: "IBM Plex Mono", monospace;
  font-weight: 300;
  font-style: normal;
}

.ibm-plex-mono-regular {
  font-family: "IBM Plex Mono", monospace;
  font-weight: 400;
  font-style: normal;
}

.ibm-plex-mono-medium {
  font-family: "IBM Plex Mono", monospace;
  font-weight: 500;
  font-style: normal;
}

.ibm-plex-mono-semibold {
  font-family: "IBM Plex Mono", monospace;
  font-weight: 600;
  font-style: normal;
}

.ibm-plex-mono-bold {
  font-family: "IBM Plex Mono", monospace;
  font-weight: 700;
  font-style: normal;
}

.ibm-plex-mono-thin-italic {
  font-family: "IBM Plex Mono", monospace;
  font-weight: 100;
  font-style: italic;
}

.ibm-plex-mono-extralight-italic {
  font-family: "IBM Plex Mono", monospace;
  font-weight: 200;
  font-style: italic;
}

.ibm-plex-mono-light-italic {
  font-family: "IBM Plex Mono", monospace;
  font-weight: 300;
  font-style: italic;
}

.ibm-plex-mono-regular-italic {
  font-family: "IBM Plex Mono", monospace;
  font-weight: 400;
  font-style: italic;
}

.ibm-plex-mono-medium-italic {
  font-family: "IBM Plex Mono", monospace;
  font-weight: 500;
  font-style: italic;
}

.ibm-plex-mono-semibold-italic {
  font-family: "IBM Plex Mono", monospace;
  font-weight: 600;
  font-style: italic;
}

.ibm-plex-mono-bold-italic {
  font-family: "IBM Plex Mono", monospace;
  font-weight: 700;
  font-style: italic;
}


.courier {
  font-family: "IBM Plex Mono", monospace;
}

.notation {
    border-top: solid 0.08em #595959;
    border-left: solid 0.4em #595959;
    border-bottom: solid 0.08em #595959;
    border-right: solid 0.4em #595959;
    background: rgba(210, 210, 210, 0.06);
    margin: auto;
    max-width: 46rem;
}

```
width: 3.5rem; margin: auto;
```

```
notation
```

[[include :scp-wiki:component:toggle-sidebar]]
[[include :scp-wiki:theme:dark]]

=====
[[include component:preview
text=Dr. Harlan Weems miiiiight have performed an antimemetic execution ritual on his last supervisor, but sometimes retrocausal murderers deserve love too :(
]]
=====

[[module css]]

@import url('https://fonts.googleapis.com/css2?family=Courier+Prime:ital,wght@0,400;0,700;1,400;1,700&display=swap');
@import url('https://fonts.googleapis.com/css2?family=IBM+Plex+Mono:ital,wght@0,100;0,200;0,300;0,400;0,500;0,600;0,700;1,100;1,200;1,300;1,400;1,500;1,600;1,700&display=swap');
#main-content {
     max-width: 46rem;
}
#page-title {
    display: none;
}

div#header {
    background-image: url(http://scp-sandbox-3.wikidot.com/local--files/katyastrangelovesexantho/scpsmall);
}

body {
   font-size: 0.95em;
   background: #000000;
}

h1 {
    color: rgb(200, 0, 0);
     text-align: center;
}

h3 {
    color: rgb(201, 21, 21);
     text-align: center;
}

div#container-wrap {
    background-image: url(http://scp-sandbox-3.wikidot.com/local--files/katyastrangeloveabc/bg2);
}

#page-content a {
    color: rgb(201, 21, 21);
}

#side-bar a,
#interwiki a {
    color: rgb(200, 0, 0);
}
#side-bar a:visited,
#interwiki a:visited,
#top-bar a,
#login-status ul a,
#login-status ul a:hover {
    color: rgb(220, 0, 0);
}

#top-bar ul li.sfhover a,
#top-bar ul li:hover a, {
    background: #212121;
    color: rgb(200, 0, 0);
}


.courier-prime-regular {
  font-family: "Courier Prime", monospace;
  font-weight: 400;
  font-style: normal;
}

.courier-prime-bold {
  font-family: "Courier Prime", monospace;
  font-weight: 700;
  font-style: normal;
}

.courier-prime-regular-italic {
  font-family: "Courier Prime", monospace;
  font-weight: 400;
  font-style: italic;
}

.courier-prime-bold-italic {
  font-family: "Courier Prime", monospace;
  font-weight: 700;
  font-style: italic;
}

.ibm-plex-mono-thin {
  font-family: "IBM Plex Mono", monospace;
  font-weight: 100;
  font-style: normal;
}

.ibm-plex-mono-extralight {
  font-family: "IBM Plex Mono", monospace;
  font-weight: 200;
  font-style: normal;
}

.ibm-plex-mono-light {
  font-family: "IBM Plex Mono", monospace;
  font-weight: 300;
  font-style: normal;
}

.ibm-plex-mono-regular {
  font-family: "IBM Plex Mono", monospace;
  font-weight: 400;
  font-style: normal;
}

.ibm-plex-mono-medium {
  font-family: "IBM Plex Mono", monospace;
  font-weight: 500;
  font-style: normal;
}

.ibm-plex-mono-semibold {
  font-family: "IBM Plex Mono", monospace;
  font-weight: 600;
  font-style: normal;
}

.ibm-plex-mono-bold {
  font-family: "IBM Plex Mono", monospace;
  font-weight: 700;
  font-style: normal;
}

.ibm-plex-mono-thin-italic {
  font-family: "IBM Plex Mono", monospace;
  font-weight: 100;
  font-style: italic;
}

.ibm-plex-mono-extralight-italic {
  font-family: "IBM Plex Mono", monospace;
  font-weight: 200;
  font-style: italic;
}

.ibm-plex-mono-light-italic {
  font-family: "IBM Plex Mono", monospace;
  font-weight: 300;
  font-style: italic;
}

.ibm-plex-mono-regular-italic {
  font-family: "IBM Plex Mono", monospace;
  font-weight: 400;
  font-style: italic;
}

.ibm-plex-mono-medium-italic {
  font-family: "IBM Plex Mono", monospace;
  font-weight: 500;
  font-style: italic;
}

.ibm-plex-mono-semibold-italic {
  font-family: "IBM Plex Mono", monospace;
  font-weight: 600;
  font-style: italic;
}

.ibm-plex-mono-bold-italic {
  font-family: "IBM Plex Mono", monospace;
  font-weight: 700;
  font-style: italic;
}


.courier {
  font-family: "IBM Plex Mono", monospace;
}

.notation {
    border-top: solid 0.08em #595959;
    border-left: solid 0.4em #595959;
    border-bottom: solid 0.08em #595959;
    border-right: solid 0.4em #595959;
    background: rgba(210, 210, 210, 0.06);
    margin: auto;
    max-width: 46rem;
}


[[/module]]

[[include :scp-wiki:component:adult-content-warning
|sexual-references=0
|sexually-explicit=1
|sexual-assault=0
|gore=0
|child-abuse=0
|self-harm=0
|suicide=0
|torture=0
|custom=1 |custom-content=Contains mentions of self harm, homicide, and torture but does not depict these acts.

|prev=SCP-9640
|current=To Abhor My Bloody Hands
|next= N/A
]]

[[include :scp-wiki:info:start]]
[[=]]
**To Abhor My Bloody Hands**
//Word count: 1.3k//

**A Semi-Official Part Two to [https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-9640 SCP-9640 -- I Performed A Daevite Ritual Execution]**

**Author:** [https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/katyastrangelove KatyaStrangelove]

----

⚠️ Content warning: This tale contains a content warning for explicit sexual conduct and mentions of self harm, homicide, and torture.
[[/=]]
[[include :scp-wiki:info:end]]
@@ @@
[[div class="notation"]]
+++ Content Warning:
= This tale contains graphic content, including **explicit gore and sexual conduct**.
= READER DISCRETION IS ADVISED
[[/div]]
@@ @@
+ To Abhor My Bloody Hands
-----
Senior Researcher Harlan Weems will never forget what he did to his Supervisory Researcher on [https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/scp-9640  September 21st, 2017]. Even more so once it truly set in that he was the only one who remembered.

Before he held the knife in his hand, he never knew how the blood would cling to his skin – how it would seep in and become a part of him. He wanted it out, yet he'd drawn enough blood already. Not to say he didn’t think fondly of the blade, often holding a reverence to how it would feel splitting his own skin.

Researcher Steven Roman wasn’t like the ones who'd tried to change his mind. Steven listened to him, took him seriously, even if his concern was played off as a joke. By the end of it, he’d started to sway, himself. Not enough to break -- just enough to form small cracks in his foundation  – Harlan took pride in knowing that he was the only one who could see them.

Steven hated Stavros too -- he and Harlan had only become so close while sequestered and left to file paperwork (a choice punishment for being on Stavros' shit list).  Keeping each other company in the filing room; talking shit, making fun of the egregious spelling errors that occasionally popped up on research documents. Harlan knew how they’d both been treated, he knew the names they’d been called. Harlan had been angry when he was solely aware of his own experience, but seeing his struggle mirrored in Steven nearly set him ablaze.

His anger kept him company as he learned the sound produced by an optical nerve torn from the skull of a man in agony. It pulled him to his feet after he’d nearly collapsed – covered in blood and wondering how he’d ever worked up the courage to take a knife to a throat and cut until he swore he’d hit bone. It held his hand steady as he was nearly overpowered by exhaustion. He’d never known such weakness until he was forced to sever four limbs in succession, yet the smoldering remains of the fire he’d set still burned.

He’d killed for Steven just as much as he’d killed for himself, yet months passed before he could bear to look him in the eye again.

Steven was the first to notice his sorrow, to offer his unending, saccharine sympathy – despite knowing nothing of the immense weight of the cross he’d strapped to his back. Harlan had woefully failed to anticipate how being showered in it would sicken him to his core.

He attempted to push Steven away over and over again, to no avail. The way he took such prickly resistance in stride might as well have pulled his guts from his body. He deserved no kindness, but the speed at which he learned to accept his desperate need for it was shameful. Despite everything, he still couldn't begin to forget the utter wretch he truly was.

The closest he came to letting his past evils slip from his mind was when he stared longingly into Steven's eyes. It was a bittersweet joy – the way it made his heart jump almost distracted him from his flipping stomach, and when it ended, the guilt nearly ate him alive. The cycle became an addiction. As they grew closer, the gulf between the highs and lows only grew larger.

[[div style="width: 3.5rem; margin: auto;"]]
[[image http://scp-sandbox-3.wikidot.com/local--files/katyastrangelovesexantho/scpsmall]]
[[/div]]

Months later, when Harlan’s fingers grazed Steven’s cheek and he could feel a hand in his hair coaxing him forward, he knew the crash would tear him apart. Still, nowhere could he find the will to stop – as soon as their lips made contact, nothing mattered but the flutter in his heart that made him feel alive for what felt like the first time in his life.

When they separated, though, it was almost like Harlan could see a smear of blood where he’d touched Steven's face – like he could watch it congeal as it dried in his hair and stained the fabric of his pants. To him, Steven’s mouth looked like that of a cannibal. It coated his lips, dripping down his chin. All from him – from the blood he knew could never be stricken from his wretched body.

Harlan was taken aback by how real it looked. At first, it was a clear product of imagination, but over time, its color and texture became lifelike. A hole in the shape of the man Harlan killed was forming somewhere deep in his grey matter, making him see the world that existed before he was erased. Blood he could see drip and flow and smear. He could smell copper in the air, taste its tangy salt. Forced to relive the scene of horror that the Stavros-shaped void in reality's torn fabric vowed to never let him forget.

Just as he’d realized his love for Steven, Harlan had already corrupted him. He should’ve been horrified, yet when they met halfway, he was the first to lick into Steven's mouth -- knowing that Steven was mercifully saved from the near-emesis brought about by the hatred of his tormentor. Harlan could only hope that the taste of spearmint toothpaste would dilute the wretchedness of metallic rot. Predictably, all hints of it were lost.

Articles of clothing were rendered unrecognizable by visceral crimson hatred, then removed without hesitation, revealing unsullied skin that went no more than a minute free of bloodstained handprints. It disgusted Harlan to realize that Steven’s enthusiasm had allowed him to forget that only he could see the remnants of viscera stuck between his teeth. He'd begun to imagine that Steven took pleasure in watching himself be consumed by it.

In Harlan's mind, he filled the empty silhouette with horrors of his own. Thoughts of bubbly, red-stained saliva spilling from the corners of Steven's mouth every time he coughed -- of licking it up without thinking. A version of Steven formed by unwelcome thoughts, complimented by a similar iteration of himself -- all concern for restraint and self preservation woefully absent. Fantasies of a knife in his hand, Steven coaxing it to his lower abdomen with a smile on his face. Eventually replaced by glassy eyes, a slack-jawed look of near-bliss, and a bloody, swollen hole leaking an odious amalgamation of bodily fluids.

The only thing that ripped him from the mental void he had cultivated was the sensation of Steven's clean hands freeing him from his unstained khakis. Harlan's thoughts stilled as he leaned into the warmth and friction. He reached down and covered Steven's smaller hand with his own, then pulled away. Left behind was a darkening smudge of red across the back of his hand -- Harlan had no choice but to discard his meaningless apprehensions.

He ravaged Steven that night -- bloody fingers coaxing him open, hastily replaced by an appendage no less visceral. The way he grimaced and trembled when Harlan entered made him nervous, yet all he received in return were reassurances -- Steven's face flushing red enough to rival the bloody smears. He quickly earned a pair of lips pressed to his, and a tongue down his throat to swallow every moan he'd tried his hardest to hold back. They pulled back, foreheads touching as they panted into each other's mouths. Harlan noticed how quickly he'd gotten used to the heady, charnel odor.

Every accessible inch of Steven’s body was covered in quickly-drying blood by the time their respective shudders and strained sighs subsided. In fact, the only points of contrast left behind were the wet streaks on his lower abdomen and the merciful dilution of the blood that remained inside.

Harlan knew that one day, he'd owe Steven the truth of his forgotten transgression -- yet, when he woke up the next morning to bloodless sheets and a man pressed against him whose skin tasted only of the salt of sweat, he decided that day would be another.

Until the shadow of the man he killed came back to tear his brain asunder, Harlan would be free.

@@ @@

To Abhor My Bloody Hands

Module Styles

Inline Styles

Includes

CSS Classes

Page Source