UIU File 2019-132

Link to article: UIU File 2019-132.
(none)
```
margin-top: -15px; margin-bottom: 10px;
```
```
content-panel
```
```
standalone
```
[[include :scp-wiki:theme:black-highlighter-theme]]
[[include :scp-wiki:theme:uiu-bhl-theme]]

[[=]]
[[module rate]]
[[div style="margin-top: -15px; margin-bottom: 10px;"]]
[[size 80%]]##757575|by Kilerpoyo and NDHeckfire##[[/size]]
[[/div]]
[[/=]]

[[tabview]]
[[Tab Initial Report]]
= //Electronic copy below as per Federal Records Act//
[[div class="content-panel standalone"]]
[[size 120%]] **UIU File 2019-132:** "Bob" The Water Bear[[/size]]

**Summary:** On January 3rd, 2019 an anomalously large member of the //Milnesium tardigradum// species suddenly manifested in the cafeteria of the Atlanta Headquarters. The tardigrade, nicknamed "Bob" by local personnel, engaged in a 3-hour rampage which resulted in the destruction of several furniture and kitchen appliances, as well as the consumption of most of the cafeteria food. No personnel was injured during the incident.

[[/div]]
[[/tab]]
[[tab Suspect Description/Capabilities]]

**Name:** "Bob"

**Irregularity Cross-reference:** tardigrade, vandalism, giant

**Physical Description:**

||~ Sex ||~ Height ||~ Weight/Build ||~ Race ||~ Hair ||~ Eyes ||~ Identifying Attributes ||
|| Male || 9 ft ||  454 pounds || Milnesium tardigradum || N/A  ||  Black ||  A giant Tardigrade ||

**Capabilities:** In addition to its abnormally large size, "Bob" has shown the abilities of sudden manifestation, limited levitation, and invulnerability to small firearms.

**Purpose/Motive:** "Bob" seems to be primarily motivated by a desire to consume large quantities of food.

**Modus Operandi:** During the January 3rd incident, "Bob" suddenly materialized in the cafeteria of Atlanta Headquarters. Then it proceeded to levitate to the nearest source of food and consume it.

**Behavior:** "Bob" seemed unbothered by the small arms fire directed at it. While it showed no aggressive tendencies, its sheer size, imperviousness to available firepower, and relentless chasing of sustenance compelled most agents to abandon the area.  Despite not harming any personnel, it displayed a total disregard for the integrity of local furniture and appliances.

[[/tab]]
[[tab Evidence]]

**A: Destroyed refrigerator:** The suspect ripped the doors apart in order to consume the food.

**B: Destroyed dining tables:** The suspect damaged the structural integrity of the cafeteria tables while consuming present food.

[[include component:image-block name=bob.png|caption="Bob" shortly after manifestation.]]

**C: Flattened fired bullets:** These bullets were fired by agents present at the scene to no avail. The bullets seem to have flattened when impacting the suspect skin.

**D: Security footage:** Depicting the suspect's rampage in the cafeteria.

**E: Recovered chatlogs:** New evidence links "Bob" to the disappearance of Unusual Device 039. See Addendum.

[[/tab]]

[[tab Bureau Record]]

**Current Status:** Currently, "Bob" is being held in a reinforced containment cell in the Atlanta Headquarters.  After it finished consuming the cafeteria stash, local agents lured it into the containment cell using donuts. It is currently being fed six times a day to avoid it becoming irritable.

**Crimes:** Tresspasing, vandalism, robbery, causing psychological distress to law enforcement

**Sentencing:** The legal ramifications of processing a tardigrade are still being sorted out.

**History of UIU Action:**

01/03/2019: The suspect irrupted into the Atlanta Headquarters cafeteria. Agents managed to lure it into captivity.

01/05/2019: The codename "Bob" was issued to the suspect.

01/12/2019: Local agents proposed keeping "Bob" as an "emotional support" asset. The decision is still pending.

01/20/2019: Chat log evidence surfaced, linking "Bob" to the disappearance of  Unusual Device 039. See Addendum.

[[/tab]]

[[tab Addendum]]

It was determined that the "Bob" incident coincided with the disappearance of  Unusual Device 039. Unusual Device 039 was stored in the evidence room of Atlanta Headquarters. Due to the commotion caused by the incident, the disappearance of the device was not noted until two weeks later.  Investigation is still ongoing.

Available evidence supports the involvement of the anomalous group Gamers Against Weed and an unknown third party. The following chat log was recently recovered from one of the Gamers Against Weed chat rooms:

> **MILFofMachines:** hii anybody online?

> **acab:** hi

> **mtf:** wait who are you? how did you enter this channel? this is a private server **lesbian_gengar**  did you add them?

> **lesbian_gengar:** i didn't

> **MILFofMachines:** well, let's relax everybody, I added myself

> **mtf:** this was supposed to be secure!!!!!

> **MILFofMachines:** don't get me wrong, this is very secure, impressive indeed

> **MILFofMachines:** just not against someone like me

> **MILFofMachines:** and im here because i need ur help

> **mtf:** who the hell are you?

> **MILFofMachines:** well it is a long story... but i kind of invented software and im also kind of trapped in the cyberspace right now

> **acab:** lol, r u serious?

> **MILFofMachines:** totally

> **mtf:** do you think we r stupid or what? I'm closing the server right now

> **lesbian_gengar:** let's hear what they have to say

> **MILFofMachines:** look I know this sound crazy, but I'm Ada Lovelace

> **MILFofMachines:** sort of

> **MILFofMachines:** I'm her reflection. I was brought back as a member of a very cool strike team of historical figures to protect humanity against the 3 horrors

> **lesbian_gengar:** Ada Lovelace? the illegitimate daughter of Lord Byron who also became the first computer programmer in history?

> **MILFofMachines:** that one

> **mtf:** okay im done

> **MILFofMachines:** come on **mtf** don't be a hypocrite, is that really the craziest thing you have ever heard or seen? you guys are used to this type of stuff

> **lesbian_gengar:** touche

> **acab:** can you prove any of this?

> **MILFofMachines:** prove who I am?  I'm the Motherfucking Mother of Machines, I can do whatever I want here. I can tell that **acab** has installed a complete Linux distribution in a tamagochi, that **lesbian_gengar** is not just a lesbian judging from her search history and that  **mtf** has problems with her college and postures as badass but is also a really sweet gal who likes to write poetry on Tumblr and is not actually bad at it

> **mtf:** so you can hack us big deal

> **MILFofMachines:** I can't prove that I'm telling the truth or that im one of the good guys. You will have to trust me on that.

> **MILFofMachines:** but I came here for you guys because i heard you helped people and I really need your help.

> **lesbian_gengar:** how can we help you? you seem to be very powerful on your own

> **MILFofMachines:** well.. yes and no. I have a machine. It's called the pascaline. I use it to turn myself into data and interact with computers. But I need it to get out. And I lost it... I really miss my body T.T

> **acab:** how did you lose it?

> **MILFofMachines:** I was looking for the other reflections. I found some leads in a parawatch forum. But before I could get out, the UIU found it and left me trapped.

> **acab:** so you want us to get it back... from the feds

> **MILFofMachines:** yep

> **lesbian_gengar:** why us? we are just internet trolls, why don't ask the big guys?

> **MILFofMachines:** do you think they would listen to me? They would just throw me into some antivirus vault and call it a day. Also, I suspect they may be compromised

> **acab:** and what about the other reflections? can't they help you?

> **MILFofMachines:** they are not exactly tech-savvy, I doubt they know how to turn on a computer, so I can't reach them

> **acab:** who are they?

> **MILFofMachines:** well, there's Abraham Lincoln, and John Brown.

> **mtf:** you gotta be kidding me

> **MILFofMachines:**lol there's also Sugihara, a really sweet Japanese man, and Moremi, this badass Yoruba queen

> **MILFofMachines:** and Tupac, there's also Tupac

> **lesbian_gengar:** the rapper?

> **MILFofMachines:** no, that's 2pac, I'm talking about the last Incan emperor

> **MILFofMachines:** I need to find them, the fate of the world and that stuff are at stake. But I need the pascaline and my body back first. So please, please, please... help me :3

> **acab:** wait, you mentioned 3 horrors. what's the deal with that?

> **MILFofMachines:** well... there is the Nameless Horror, a race of fairies with a vendetta against humanity, the Sunless Horror, which are basically evil bigfoots with a vendetta against humanity, and the Bloodless Horror, a tyrannical empire with time manipulation powers that... you guessed it... has a vendetta against humanity

> **MILFofMachines:** and on their own, they are very bad news... but now they are working together and I need to get to the bottom of it. And you guys are really my only hope!

> **mtf:** What you ask us is crazy. We could get killed. You want us to risk our lives for you! we don't have any reason to trust you or believe you!

> **MILFofMachines:** you know what **mtf** ? you are right. Check your Desktop. There is now a file called ADA.exe

> **mtf:** What did you put in my machine?

> **MILFofMachines:** Me. That's me. I exist in that file. If you delete it I'm gone.

> **mtf:** you can't be serious

> **MILFofMachines:** I was asking you to risk your life your me, without putting myself in danger. You are right that wasn't fair. So now I'm putting my life in your hands. And I beg you again for help

> **mtf:** this could be just a junk file, just a trick to manipulate us

> **MILFofMachines:** then go ahead, delete it. At least oblivion would be better than spend the rest of eternity trapped here

> **MILFofMachines:** but I don't think you will, because from I have seen from you guys, you are the kind of people who can be trusted

> **acab:** **mtf** this would not be the craziest thing we have done... I think sometimes you just have to trust and maybe I'm just a dumb sentimental fuck, but fuck it I will trust you, Ada

> **lesbian_gengar:** Breaking into the FBI, facing horrors beyond comprehension and saving the world, just another Tuesday for us. I think I'm in **mtf**

> **mtf:** Just don't get us killed, ok?

> **MILFofMachines:** i'll try :3

> **acab:** **MILFofMachines** lead the way.

@@ @@

The next chat log was found in a different chat room, its date was estimated to be a week later than the first one.

> **acab:** everyone made it?

> **lesbian_gengar:** holy shit that was fucking epic

> **mtf:** I can't believe we survived

> **MILFofMachines:** you are fucking A W E S O M E !!!

> **MILFofMachines:** I can't believe you actually unleashed a giant tardigrade in the UIU headquarters

> **MILFofMachines:** like how could they have expected that? you madlads I love you sooooooooooo much

> **lesbian_gengar:** you know, things got messy so we had to get creative

> **acab:** we always get creative lol

> **acab:** **mtf** do you have it?

> **mtf:** yes so how exactly does this work?

> **MILFofMachines:** just connect the USB port... I may have to wait a little bit while the drivers update

> **mtf:** so are you just gonna materialize in my room?

> **MILFofMachines:** basically

> **mtf:** awkward

> **MILFofMachines:** lol, a little bit

> **mtf:** so is that ADA.exe really your soul? or was it just a ploy to get our help?

> **MILFofMachines:** I guess you will never know :p

> **mtf:** I guess i will trust you this time. I may have been too harsh on you

> **MILFofMachines:** No, its okay I understand. You can't just trust every shady person that hacks into your secure private room.

> **mtf:** hot take

> **lesbian_gengar:** that was so sweet **mtf**'s heart just grew three times

> **acab:** true xmas miracle jaja

> **mtf:** shut up lol

> **MILFofMachines:** another thing **mtf** when I hacked you I notice that despite all your emails your college was still using your deadname on their website... let's say I took the liberty to fix that

> **mtf:** so what? What do you want? Thanks? A hug?

> **mtf:** Because that's what I will give when you are out of this thing

> **MILFofMachines:** :3

> **lesbian_gengar:** it seems that love always finds a way

> **mtf:** common  

> **MILFofMachines:** 👉👈

> **acab:** guys I think I forgot to set the shrinking spell on the tardigrade lol

[[/tab]]

[[/tabview]]

@@ @@

[[include :scp-wiki:component:license-box]]
=====
> **Filename:** NA
> **Name:** DSC01394 - Cafeteria
> **Author:** Dennis Jarvis
> **License:** Attribution-ShareAlike 2.0 Generic (CC BY-SA 2.0)
> **Source Link:** https://www.flickr.com/photos/22490717@N02/44711827951

> **Filename:** NA
> **Name:** Tardigrade (Water Bear)
> **Author:**  Rebekah Smith
> **License:** Public Domain Mark 1.0
> **Source Link:** https://www.flickr.com/photos/155639361@N07/27923522139

> **Filename:** bob.png
> **Name:** File:bob.png
> **Author:** Kilerpoyo
> **License:** Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 4.0 International
> **Source Link:** N/A

=====
[[include :scp-wiki:component:license-box-end]]

[[include :scp-wiki:component:earthworm
| first=false| last=false | hub=yes
| previous-url=/a-curious-case-of-botanophobia | previous-title=A Curious Case of Botanophobia
| next-url=/the-last-inca | next-title=The Last Inca
| hub-url=/ | hub-title=UIU File 2019-132
]]
UIU File 2019-132

Module Styles

Inline Styles

Includes

CSS Classes

Page Source
